Tears Will Dry
by Surgery-Girl
Summary: After heartbreak hits Meredith and Mark, they bond together to get through it. MerMark.
1. Numb Tears

_**Summery: After heartbreak hits Meredith and Mark, they bond together to get through it. MerMark. **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's. **_

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It was dark; the only light flooding in under the door from the hall. She sat with her knees close to her chest. She couldn't cry any longer. Her tear ducts had long since dried out no longer being able to produce tears from them. Her back was pressed against the wall, and her head rested on her knees as she watched the shadows of her friends walk past the room in a worried frenzy. A frenzy that was probably caused of her.

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"What are we going to do?" Christina asked letting out a frustrated sigh. Alex looked up at as she hit her head on the wall.

"I don't know, Yang." He said letting his head fall back on the wall.

"Any change?" Izzie asked coming up the stair.

"No," They both said at the same time not really looking at her.

"Door still locked?" She asked pushing the few stray hairs back towards her sloppy bun.

"Yep." They answered again in the same monotone voice.

Izzie sighed and slid down the wall. "What is there to do?"

"I don't know. I don't know, okay. So everyone just stop asking me." Christina yelled kicking her feet out. "Just stop asking me."

"Alright, Jeez… Does anyone even know what happened today?" Izzie asked. They both shook their heads trying to recall something during the day that happened.

"She was fine at work." Christina sighed.

"What time is it?" Alex asked.

"Almost eleven," She answered glancing at her watch before letting her hand fall back to her knee.

"How long has she been in there?" He asked.

"Two hours." She answered with a sigh.

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She listened to their voices that sounded like nothing more than a whisper. The words didn't really seem to making sense to her and she only gave a small portion of her attention to trying to figure out what they are saying. She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. Her fingers were running slowly through carpeting. She let her head fall to the side and watched the shadows again.

"What should we do now?" She heard who she thought was Izzie say. "We have work in the morning."

"So does she. We can't just go to bed." Christina argued.

"What should we do?" Alex asked.

"Try the door again." Izzie said. She heard the door knob jiggle again.

"Meredith?" Alex's voice came from the other side of the door. "Can you open the door?"

It was like the words held no meaning.

"Please, Mer, open it." He tried again.

She looked over at the door waiting to see what would happen but no words could be produced from her mouth.

"Meredith," His pleading voice came. "Open the door. Please."

She wanted to get up, but she couldn't move from the position she previously was laying in. Her eyes traveled up the floor to the door, but she laid there as if paralyzed. She could hear Alex's head fall to the door. Her eyes fell closed. She just didn't have the strength. The day seemed to replay over and over through her mind.

_She sat in the back of the bar at a booth instead of at the bar trying to resist getting too drunk since they had an early meeting with the Chief about interns in the morning. Her back was pressed up against the wall as she sat sideways. For some reason, she was blankly staring at Joe as he wiped the bar down. The door jingled as someone came over, but she didn't look over since she wasn't waiting for anyone. Soon, Derek came into her line of vision at the bar. She finished her beer not wanting to talk to him too much, but was considering it. Just as she was about to get up to go over, a woman walked over. She was about medium height with short brown hair. She leaned over the bar slipping into the seat beside Derek. From what Meredith could tell, she was trying to be sly about it. Meredith fell back into her seat deciding that this was a perfect test to see if she could trust him. She watched as the woman said something that she couldn't hear over the music. Derek looked away for a second before smiling and nodding. He looked to be introducing himself as they shook hands. A large grin was on the woman's face as she waved Joe over. Joe looked uncertain before reaching under the bar and grabbing the bottle of scotch. His eyes traveled to the back of the bar where he knew Meredith was sitting. Her eyes were full of tears, but she shook her head. She grabbed her stuff and walked out unnoticed by Derek. _


	2. New Intern Advice

_The next day…_

She woke up in the same place as she had fallen asleep. The sun wasn't up yet. She lifted herself off the floor and slowly walking to the mirror. The swelling around her eyes had gone down over night, but they were slightly red. There was an impression from the carpet in her right cheek. Her clothes from the day before were wrinkled and wet from sweat. She pulled off her shirt and pants, so she was just in her bra and panties. It was almost four meaning that the others wouldn't be up for another hour and a half or so. She walked towards the bathroom.

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She decided to leave before the others woke up not wanting to talk about the night before. The meeting started at six-thirty before the hospital got too busy with surgeries. They were going to get the names of their interns. She got the hospital and it was nearly five am, so she headed to the locker room and changed before busying herself running labs that nobody bothered to do the night before. Then, she decided to look through the charts of all her patients to see if the nurses or on-call doctors noticed a difference during the night.

By the time she was done, it was nearly six. Knowing the others would be coming in any minute, she headed to an on-call room to camp out in for a little while. The Chief had made it clear that they needed to be in the conference room by six-twenty and she was going to try and wait until the last possible moment, not wanting to face Derek.

She sunk into the bed and used her arms to cover her eyes. Not long after she had gotten comfortable, the door opened letting the light from the hall pour in.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were… asleep." A voice said as they shut the door. The bed squeaked as they laid down and Meredith allowed her eyes get used to the darkness again. She glanced over to see who had entered. In the other bed laid, a woman who she didn't recognize nor know the voice to. "Any advice for a new intern?"

"You're a new intern?" Meredith asked glancing over even though it was dark.

"Yeah."

"Aren't you supposed to start tomorrow?" She asked.

"That's what I thought but the Chief told us that we're starting at one today, now." She sighed.

"Nerve racking, isn't it?"

"Very."

Meredith glanced at her watch making it light up. "Well, I have to go to the meeting." She stood up straightening her clothes walking to the door. Her back was to the new intern as she opened the door.

"As far as advice… Don't get personally involved with attendings." With that she walked out.

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She entered the conference room right at six-twenty to find it mostly full. She kept her head low as she made her way to the back corner refusing to make eye contact with anyone. She sat down in the window sill waiting for the meeting to start and be over with. She had a surgery in a couple hours and she had to be out by one to meet the interns, from what she has heard. The Chief soon entered the room carrying a stack of folders. All the residents stopped talking, sitting up a little more to show he had their full attention. Meredith didn't bother with the sucking up portion of the meeting.

"Thank you all for coming today." He began looking at the people surrounding him. "There has been a little change of plans, and I apologize for the short notice. You will not be getting the interns tomorrow as previously thought. They will be in the locker room promptly at one this afternoon. If you have to change your surgery schedule, do it. I will not tolerate residents being late to meet their interns. Now, I'm going to give you the names and records on the three interns that you will begin with. As I've told you before, you will be getting three to start. The next set and every set following you get five. I'm going to start calling you now. "Dr. Anderson, Dr. Bell, Dr. Bark, Dr. Earn, Dr. Fanny, Dr. Grey…"

Meredith walked up her room and could feel her friend's gazes on her as she grabbed the three folders and walked out. She walked down the hall trying to decide where to go to look over her interns' folder.

"Hey." A voice came from behind her. She turned her head to see who was calling her. Derek was hurrying to catch up with her quick walk.

"I have surgery." He said rolling her eyes.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked making a face. She stopped abruptly turning towards him.

"Nothing." She said it clear and strong before turning and walking off. She didn't want to talk to him. She barely wanted to see him, because whenever she did, she saw what she had seen the night before.

He let out a frustrated sigh before turning and walking away not knowing what had gotten into her now.


	3. Meet The Interns

_**Just so you know, I changed the timeline a little. Christina's wedding is a little later than on TV. It is post- passing their test and getting interns. And George passed. No Gizzie… sorry for those of you who like them.**_

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"You can't avoid us all day." Christina not far from Meredith.

"Who said I was avoiding you?" She called back having just got out of surgery.

"Ah, maybe cause you keep walking away from us." She said. "What was wrong last night?"

"I don't want to talk about it. It was just a bad day."

Christina let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine. Okay. Just don't forget that were doing that… bridal party crap tonight at your house."

Meredith just nodded giving a little wave before walking through the door to the stairs.

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One was right around the corner and Meredith was not prepared for her interns. Having not even looked to see whom she was even getting. She had been paged for an emergency surgery directly after the surgery she had to move up due to interns. She hurried into the locker room noticing a few interns looking around a little. Meredith didn't bother to stop to say anything. She hurried to her locker grabbing the folders and threw them onto the bench before grabbing her lab coat. She straightened the collar around her neck trying to look a good as possible. A few interns watched as the resident grabbed the folders and hurried out.

Between all she had on her mind about the night before, Christina's wedding in three days, and interns, she was in no right mind to be organized about the whole thing. She hurried to an empty conference room and flipped over the first folder. Jonathon M. Moore. She skimmed over the rest of the folder before opening the next. Harrison P. Rogers. She breezed through it before going to the next. Lexi C. Grey. Her heart seemed to stop for a second as she read the name over and over. She flipped to the third page and listed as Emergency Contacts was Molly Grey and Thatcher Grey. She went back to the first page looking down the whole page.

She looked at the clock at the wall to see it was two minutes of one. She stood up shutting the folder and stacking them up roughly before hurrying out. They were all at the nurses' station when she got there talking about their interns and what not. She walked up and all conversation stopped and they all looked at her. She didn't question their stares knowing why they were giving them to her deciding not to go into it. Soon, the Chief walked up.

"Alright, Dr. Torrez is going to go in there and read the names off. They will come fine you." The five nodded remembering the drill from their first day.

He walked away without another word.

"So?" Izzie said leaning over the nurses' station deciding to take a chance.

"So what?" Meredith said with a sigh watching the door.

"What happened last night?" Alex filled in.

"I don't want to talk about it." She said glancing around. "Not here."

"Um, Dr. Grey?" A voice came. She turned to face the group of interns behind her. Her jaw fall a little bit and her world seemed to become frozen around her. Because there standing with the three people who were supposed to be her interns was a medium-size, short brown haired woman.

"Mer, you okay?" Alex said nudging her slightly.


	4. I Win

"Ah, yeah, yeah… I'm fine." She snapped out of her daze. "Come with me." She instructed shaking the thoughts from her head. The interns followed her down the halls showing them different things. She watched Lexi from the corner of her eyes wondering to herself if Thatcher had ever told her that she had a half sister out there. She also wondered if she knew the man he brought a drink for was her boyfriend. "On-call rooms." She said flipping on the light. "Attendings hog them. Sleep where you can, when you can." She stopped and looked at them. "Rules: Answer all pages at a run. When I run, you run. My most important rule… Do not bring your personal lives into this hospital. I don't want to hear about your sex lives. I don't want to know who your sleeping with or how often. Now, Grey-Pit. Moore-Clinic. Rogers-Lab. Your shift starts now and lasts for the next 48 hours. Go!"

The two men walk off while Lexi lags behind.

"Dr. Grey?" Lexi said as Meredith started to walk away. Meredith turned trying to brush off the bitterness.

"Yes?"

"Thank you, for the information you gave me in the on-call room."

Meredith just nodded and walked off.

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She let out a groan as she sat down on the bench. The day had been filled of endless pages from her interns that couldn't stitch right or had a question about some random thing came into the pit or clinic. She looked at Christina who was sitting on the bench not far from her.

"I hate interns." Meredith sighed.

"Ready for this stupid bridal thing?" She asked decide not to attempt to push the subject of the night before.

Meredith nodded before standing up grabbing her bag and threw it over her shoulder. The two walked out together.

"Hold on. I have to tell my interns something." Meredith said walking another hall. Christina followed.

"You should tell them not to kill anyone. They might need to know that."

Meredith nodded as she waved her interns over. They gathered around.

"Monitor my patients. The nurses have the numbers. Monitor the pit." She sighed glancing at Christina. "Aright. Have a good night. Don't kill anyone. You can page me if I am absolutely needed if not ask the on-call resident. Dr. Kerev."

With that she and Christina walked away.

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She drowned another shot before handing the bottle to Christina who was sitting on the floor from across from her. The rest of her friends crowded around the other sides of the living room coffee table.

"Are you going to tell us what happened yesterday?" Christina asked impatiently.

Meredith sighed. "Derek happened to me." She said pulling apart a paper towel and throwing the little bits onto the table.

"Aren't you dating? Isn't he supposed to 'happen' to you?" Alex asked. Christina kicked him while Meredith glared at him.

"What are you even doing here? It's a bridal party." Christina said.

"Free booze. When it gets girly, we'll leave." Alex said gesturing himself and George.

"Whatever." Christina sighed looking back at Meredith.

"I went to Joe's and Derek came in. I didn't really want to talk to him, because of the whole 'I don't want to breathe for you thing', so I stayed in the back of the bar. Just as I was about to get up and talk to him, the woman walks up. They flirt and she buys him a drink which she accepts. I left and came here." She explained quickly not going into too much detail.

"Bastard," Christina hissed.

"Here's where it gets good." She said. "Bar girl… my intern. My intern… my half sister, Lexi. I think I win. My life sucks the most."


	5. Wedding Bells Die

_Three days later…_

Rain poured over Seattle for the last three days filling the pit non-stop with traumas. Most doctors had barely been home deciding just to sleep in an on-call room since chances were they would just be paged at some point through out the night. The pit hadn't seen an empty bed in days and people had to be shifted from room to room so incomings would have a place to go. The OR board hadn't been quiet for days either and most surgeons would skip from one surgery to the next only being able to fit in a short coffee break in between. Their personal lives also had to be put on hold which for most people came at the worse times with Christina's wedding right around and the whole mess with Derek. The new interns were kept busy making their 48 hour shift more like a 96 hour one.

Meredith avoided talking to Derek successful only running into him on the way to or from surgery or at the coffee cart making some excuse to walking away. The rain had finally cleared and the surgeons were allowed to go home. Christina's wedding was being held early the next day and they all had off for it.

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Meredith yawned as she walked into the kitchen. Izzie and Christina were sitting drinking coffee. It was about five in the morning the day of the wedding. All three were now well rested even though it was an early hour, but the wedding started at eleven am.

"What time do we have to go to this salon place?" Christina asked chugging down the rest of her coffee.

"Our appointment is at seven. We have to bring the dresses with us." Izzie said. Christina looked over at Meredith.

"Talk to McDreamy last night?" She asked.

She shook her head as she drank some of her coffee. "I just slept."

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It was nearly ten, when Meredith was sent to the church by Izzie to make sure everything was in order while she helped Christina finish. She walked into the parlor room that was designate for the bride and bride's maids. A couple minutes later, the door opened and Derek slipped in. She glanced up with him before turning and walking to the make-up table.

"Hey." He said walking in more.

"Hey." She said quietly. There was a long silence.

"You've been avoiding me…"

"I've been busy with the wedding and the interns."

He sighed. "Why can't you just let me in Meredith? Why can't you open up to me like you do your friends? I had to find out from George that you didn't do your intern exam the first time. Why can't you tell me thing? It is so… infuriating when you…" She cut him off.

"If you're going to break up with me, just do it. I don't need you to tell me all about my flaws as a human."

"I can't."

She almost wanted him to. The scene at the bar continued to replay in her head. "Sure you can. Here's how it goes...Meredith, I don't want to see you anymore. Meredith, I don't love you anymore."

"Meredith...I do love you. Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life. I can't leave you. But you're constantly leaving me. You walk away when you want; you come back when you want. Not everyone, not your friends, but you leave me. So I'm asking you...if you don't see a future for us, if you aren't in this...please...please just end it, because I can't. I'm in it. Put me out of my misery."

She shook her head. _"Not now." She thought to herself. _

"I…can't. I...I...Cristina is getting married" She said. "I can't talk about this right now."

"Meredith…"

"I have to make sure she gets down the aisle." She said walking out.

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The three were waiting at the door.

"Do you have the ring?" Meredith asked.

Christina nodded.

"The vows?"

"Yeah, I wrote them down on my…" She looked at her hand to see them gone. "Oh my god, I washed off my vows. My vows… their gone." Her voice had turned frantic.

"Oh, okay. Um…"

"I have no vows. Oh my god, what am I going to do."

"It's going to be okay."

"You know what? Stop saying that. Say something else."

"Like what?"

"Something that will actually help me." She yelled.

"Okay… I…"

"Say something. You know what to say. Say what I would say if this were you."

"Okay."

"Good."

"Got it."

"Good. Go."

"Stop whining. This is your wedding day. You will go down that aisle and you will get married. If I have to kick your ass every step of the way to get you there, you will walk down the aisle. You will get married. Do you hear me, Cristina? We need this. We need you to get your happy ending." She said holding her shoulders. Christina nodded.

"Okay. I'm ready."

"Alright, then."

"My train." She said lifting her dress slightly.

The door opens and Burke comes out. Christina looks up at him.

"I'm fine… I'm ready. Meredith talked me down. So, you… you go and I'll be right behind you."

"I'm sorry." He said shaking his head.

"Oh, I can do this. You know, I had a momentary freak out, but I'm okay now. I can do this. Go."

"But you don't want to do this. I'm up there waiting for you to come down the aisle, and I knew you don't want to come. I know you don't want to come but that you'll come anyway because you love me. And if I loved you...if I loved you, not the woman that I'm trying to make you be, not the woman that I hope you'll become, but you...if I did...I wouldn't be up there waiting for you. I would be letting you go."

"I'm wearing the dress. I'm ready. And… maybe I didn't want this before, but I really think I want this now."

"I really wish you didn't think. I wish you knew."

Then, he just walked out.

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Meredith walked to the front of the chapel, not looking at anybody until she turned towards them.

"It's over. You can all go home. It's over. It's so over."


	6. Never Win

_Two days later…_

The bell jiggled as she walked through the door. Her eyes scanned the bar for a familiar face, but saw none. She made her way to the bar and slipped into the seat.

"Hey Joe."

"Hey Mer. I haven't seen you around lately." He stated.

"Yeah, well I haven't seen the world outside the hospital lately. Then, Christina's wedding… didn't happen."

"Yeah, Alex told me."

There was a silence and Joe shifted his stance. "Have you talked to McDreamy lately?"

"Nope. Barely left my room with Christina long enough to talk to anyone." She noticed the distress on his face. "Why?"

"Nothing, just wondering." He forced a smile. "Usual?"

"You know me well." She said dropping the subject.

She was only on her second shot though she hadn't touched it yet. The music was quietly playing but she wasn't listening to it. For some reason, Joe asking her about Derek gave her this nagging feeling. She stood up drowning her last shot before laying some money on the bar.

"See you later, Joe."

"Yeah, you too, Mer."

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She put the car in park and got out. The smell of the heavy moist air hung low around her as she stepped onto the porch. She knocked on the door and glanced over to the driveway at his car. After a few seconds, the door opened and Derek stood there. His hair was twisted in all different ways and he wore boxers and a t-shirt.

"Meredith?" He stepped out onto the porch, shutting the door quickly behind him. "What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean? We need to talk. So I'm here to talk."

"And I thought you would just avoid me forever."

"What?"

"You avoided me all week."

"You know as well as I, Christina needed comfort."

"Yeah, I know." He sighed and sat down on the edge of the porch. "What's up?"

"Things haven't been right between us lately and I don't know if they ever will be. It's mostly my fault. And Addison happened and I hoped tha it would go away..."

"What would go away?" He asked.

"I am always looking over my shoulder wondering what will happen next. I will always being waiting for another wife. Then, you said you met a girl in the bar and it was the highlight of your week. You don't want to breathe for me anymore and... you shouldn't have to. When Christina's wedding…failed, I lost hope for a happy ever after. And…"

"Is this you putting me out of my misery?" He asked quietly. She turned and looked at him as silence hung in the air for a few minutes.

"Yeah I guess this is me putting you out of my misery." She said just above a whisper as a couple tears rolled down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Derek."

"After all we've been through… you're just going to threw it all away." He almost yelled.

"I'm sorry, Derek."

He didn't say anything else, just stood up and walked into the trailer slamming the door. She cringed at the noise before walking back to her call.

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The bell jingled as she walked into the bar for the second time that night. She glanced around the bar and spotted Mark hunched over the bar with his elbows propped up on it nursing his scotch. She sighed and walked over. Not bothering to say anything, she slipped into the stool beside him. He glanced over at her but didn't say anything.

"Back again?" Joe said.

"Yeah well, my bad day just got worse. So tequila and keep 'em coming." She sighed and Joe nodded. She glanced over at him. "Bad day?"

He looked over at her and nodded. "Addison slept with Kerev. We made a deal. Neither of us could sleep with someone for 60 days. And she slept with Kerev."

"Mark, I'm sorry."

"What's wrong with you?" He said as he sipped his drink.

"It's over. I 'put him out of his misery.' That's what I was making him. Miserable." She said exhaling deeply. "I just couldn't do it anymore. Between the whole wife thing and I saw him with girl. I couldn't do it anymore. " She shook her head.

"What?" He asked shocked.

"I was in the back there." Pointing to the back of the bar. "A woman walked up and he didn't turn her away. She turned out to be my intern."

There was a long silence.

"I thought I actually meant something."

"What did she say?"

"I didn't tell her that I know. I told her I slept with someone and that she was right about me." She put her hand on his upper arm.

"I'm really sorry, Mark."

"Yeah, same to you." He stood up leaving a twenty on the bar. "I'll see you around, Mer."

"Yeah, I'll see you." He grabbed his coat and walked out. She sighed and put her head down on the bar.

"The dirty mistresses never win." She muttered.


	7. Return To Work

It had been three days since the last time she ventured out of her room and to work. She and Christina stayed up in Meredith's room eating their way through all the comfort food in the house. Living with Izzie had proven useful. They sat in bed talking about boys and their stupid boy penises. Now, the two were walking towards the front entrance of Seattle Grace. They stood tall trying to put a strong face. If people knew they were weak, they could walk all over them.

"Hey guys." Izzie said as they walked into the locker room. They both nodded in her direction grunting in response. "Are you two going to be okay?" They nodded again.

"Hey." George said walking over from the changing area. Izzie glanced at Christina and Meredith. She sighed and looked up at George shaking her head gently. The two stayed silent as they shut their lockers.

"We'll see you guys later." Meredith said quietly as the two walked out. "I'll see you later, Christina."

"Yeah." Christina said before Meredith walked the opposite way.

She got on the elevator and went off into her own little world unaware of anything happening in the world around her. Her thoughts were interrupted when the door dinged and opened two floors early. Her eyes bolted to the door as they slid open to see Mark standing there. He hadn't seemed to have gotten any better over the last three days either. They both nodded at each other not saying anything as the doors shut behind him.

"I haven't seen you around." He said looking at the ground.

"Christina and I took a few days off to regroup." She said not looking at him either. There were a few moments of silence. "Doing any better?"

"I don't know why, but I still want to have hope."

"I know what you mean." She sighed. The doors slowly slid open, and she finally looked over at him. "I'll see you later, Mark."

"Yeah," He nodded forcing a small smile as she walked off.

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"Why are we just standing here?" She yelled as she walked into the locker room to see that her interns were just standing around talking.

"We…" Harrison started, but she shook her head putting up a finger.

"Does it look like I want an explanation?" She turned to walk out. They all looked at each other. Meredith opened the door with a less than happy expression on. "When I move, you move. I told you this."

The interns nodded gathering their things and scurrying after her.

"I was gone three days. Three days and you sent Dr. Kerev complaining to me about how whiny you are or how you're too good to be on rectal exams." She turned abruptly. "Get this now. I don't care who you think you are. I don't care what school you went to school. I really don't. Cause when you're here. You're nobodies. You run labs. You work every night and day and never complain. If you think you're too good for this, you're not in the right field." She sighed and started walking again. "Grey you're in the pit. Rogers you're there too. Moore you're with me. We have a patient to see so hurry up."

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Meredith headed over to Joe's after her shift ended to find Mark already hunched over the bar as he had the night before. She headed over without a second thought and sat beside him.

"Hey." He said knowing who had sat beside him.

"Hey." She responded flagging Joe over. Soon, she had three shots of tequila lined up. She drowned the first one before talking again. "Did you see her today?"

He took a second before nodding looking over at her. "You see him?"

She nodded as she did before drowning another shot. "He was going to get on the elevator, but avoided me."

He sighed. "About what Addison did."

Silence fell over them while they finished their drinks before ordering another round. Another three shots lined up in front of Meredith, while Mark had a scotch not far away from his hand. It was a comfortable silence. No words really were needed to describe the situation as the other was living the same. After Meredith drowned her sixth shot, she looked over at Mark. She was getting to be drunk and lose control of what she said.

"Joe, three more." She said looking back at Joe.

"Are you sure?" He winced slightly.

"What is there to lose? McDreamy is gone. My mother is dead. My fake-mommy is dead. Burke walked away from Christina. Get me three more." She slightly slurred before looking back at Mark. "Shepherds screw things up."

Mark nodded to show he agreed with her as he sipped his drink.

Soon he finished his second drink and Meredith finished her third round.

"Joe…" She slurred.

"I'm cutting you off, Meredith." He said.

"I was going to ask for a cab, Joey." She giggled. "I called you Joey."

"I'll call you a cab. One for you too, Doc?"

Mark nodded watching at Meredith swayed from side to side in her seat.


	8. Stick Together

Meredith walked into the hospital the next day. Her head was throbbing, so bad it was hard for her see straight. She got off the elevator and walked into the locker room.

"Hey." She said and they all responded in the same manner. She cringed as Alex slammed his locker. "Damn it, Alex." She said rubbing her temples.

"Rough night, Grey?" He asked with a smug smirk.

"An alcohol-filled night." She said lying back on the bench. "Work and hangovers don't mix."

"And you haven't even made it out of the locker room yet." Christina stated. Meredith looked up and glared at her.

"Come on. We have to go meet our interns." Izzie called from the door.

"Another day of babysitting." Christina mumbled as she walked by Izzie and out the door. Everyone else except Meredith left as well. Meredith continued to lie on the bench with her eyes closed. She soon realized that it was time to get going so she got up, quickly changed, and walked out.

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"Alright, assignments." She sighed and looked down at the clipboard rubbing her temples. She noticed a shadow on her papers, so she glanced back. "Is there something I can do for you Dr. Sloan?"

"Two things, actually." He spoke quietly obviously suffering from a hangover as well. "I need to talk to you and I need an intern."

"Can't get your own coffee today?" She asked not really looking at him.

"I'm feeling particularly lazy. Besides, I have dry-cleaning to be picked up."

She rolled her eyes glancing up from the clipboard. "Grey, go."

"Actually, I was wondering if I could work with Dr. Shepherd." She smiled brightly. "I have an interest in Nuero."

"I'm sure you do." She mumbled writing something on the chart again. "Are you saying you can learn nothing from Dr. Sloan? That he can not teach you anything?"

Lexi's eyes darted from Mark, who was standing there with his arms behind his back with a smug look, and Meredith, who was glaring at her as she used the arm she had propped up on the nurses' station as an armrest.

"N… No." She stammered. "I just have an interest in…"

"I gave out the assignment. You do it. I don't care if you have an interest in Ortho or OB or Cardio or Nuero. If I say Plastics you better believe that you'll be with Dr. Sloan today even if it means being his little secretary." She hissed. Mark let out a chuckle about the secretary comment. "As for you two, Rogers-pit. Moore-Shepherd."

The two left as Meredith started walking down the hall. Mark followed causing Lexi to follow.

"Got to hate hangovers." Mark commented as Meredith glared at him.

"Don't pretend like the all-masterful Mark Sloan doesn't have one. I know symptoms of hangovers."

He chuckled. "You're such a doctor."

She rolled her eyes. "So what do you need, Dr. Sloan?"

"Just checking up on you. You know the two of us have to stick together."

"Why is that?"

"We're the Dirty Mistresses." He sighed as his pager went off. "I'll see you around, Grey."

"You too, Sloan." Mark turned and wasn't paying attention to where he was going almost plowing over Lexi.

"What the… How long have you been following us?" He asked.

"The whole time." Lexi said shrugging. Mark looked back at Meredith and scowled.

"Let's go." He said before walking off.


	9. I Knew

Lunchtime rolled around and Meredith headed to the café. She noticed Mark sitting by himself reading a medical magazine. She sat down across from him without invitation. He glanced up at her putting down the magazine.

"Hey." She said opening her salad.

"Hey." He sighed taking a potato chip from her tray. They sat in comfortable silence. "I have a facial reconstruction in three hours, you in?"

"Definitely."

"Good."

They were quiet for a few minutes when two people walked up. Lexi and Meredith's other intern, Harrison.

"Dr. Sloan?" Harrison said.

"What?" He said taking another chip from Meredith.

"You have a facial reconstruction later."

"I know my surgery schedule. What's you point?"

"Can I scrub in?" He asked. Mark shook his head.

"Nope. Dr. Grey will be scrubbing in."

"Really? I will." Lexi said with excitement. Mark let out a laugh.

"I don't let interns scrub in. Meredith Grey will be scrubbing in." He shook his head laughing again. "Obviously you haven't told your interns about me." She rolled her eyes deciding not to say anything.

"I've been your intern all day. Why does she get to scrub in?" Lexi whined.

"Interns don't get to scrub in." Mark said.

"It's true." Alex commented sitting down next to Meredith. "I cleaned wounds constantly for him and picked up his dry-cleaning and got him coffee." He glared at Mark. "And got how many surgeries out of it?"

Mark stood up not wanting to be near Alex. He started to walk off.

"Mark!" Meredith called but Mark didn't stop. She shook her head.

"What's his problem?" Alex asked. Meredith looked up at Lexi noticing she was still there.

"What do you want, Grey?" She hissed.

"Since I can't scrub in with Dr. Sloan can I scrub in with Dr. Shepherd?"

"No, you have your attending assignment. Dr. Sloan."

"Then can I switch with Dr. Moore."

"No! No you can not! I don't do switches." She yelled standing up. "See you later, Alex."

She walked off in the same direction as Mark.

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She opened the door to his office knowing he would be in there. "He didn't know about your deal when he slept with Addison."

"I can't look at him." He mumbled looking up at her.

"Mark…" She said sitting across from him and sighed.

"The wounds are too fresh, Mer."

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She was standing at the nurses' station doing post-ops on one of her patients when Derek walked up. She didn't look at him not wanting to make eye contact.

"Dr. Grey," He said harshly. "I need a second intern for my surgery."

"Dr. Rogers is in the pit you can have him." She said not looking at him.

"I want Dr. Grey."

"She's already with another attending."

"Mark? So she'll be getting him coffee?"

"What he does with his intern is his problem, not mine?"

He grabbed her arm and pulled her into the on-call room. "Why can't I have Dr. Grey?"

And… she snapped. Like someone took a pair of scissors to her last nerve and snipped it. "Just because you two meet in a bar and flirted your brains out doesn't mean." She could see the guilt on his face. "Yeah, I saw. I was there, so don't try to deny it. She's on Dr. Sloan's service today." With that she walked out. Derek sighed and fell back on the bed. Meredith hurried into another on-call room as tears rolled down her faced. She sat on the bed crying until her pager went off.


	10. Gone

She sat down beside him waving Joe over.

"Hey, Mer." Joe said holding a smile. "Tequila?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "You okay?" She nudged him. When he didn't answer she noticed something was really long. "What's wrong?"

"Addison left." He said not looking away from his scotch.

"Are you okay? I mean…" She started.

"I don't know what I am. I actually held onto hope that she would realize she loves me."

"I know what you mean." They sat in silence for a few moments. She looked over at him and put her head on his shoulder. "You'll be okay?"

He sighed. "I think so. Eventually." He looked down at her. "Are you?"

"I will be." She lifted her head off his shoulder and drowned a shot. It was weird to her to hear him talking to her like he had been over the last couple of days after what Derek had told her about him. "You're a good guy, Mark. You don't deserve all this."

"Neither do you, Mer."

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_The next day…_

She got there early incase her on-call interns destroyed the hospital or burned it to the ground. After changing it was about a half an hour before she had to meet her interns and her friends hadn't showed up yet.

She checked on one of her patients, Mrs. Jameson, who Lexi was taking care of over night. When she came out, she was furious practically red with anger. She walked down the hall stopping at the end as her eyes filled with tears from what was in front of her. Derek had his arms around Lexi as she laughed trying to jerk away from him. She was holding a chart but looked like she really didn't care what it said.

Deciding to take the 'Bailey' method, as she decided to call it, she walked towards them. Their backs were turned and they were laughing as she walked up and took the chart from Lexi's hand. She flipped it open not looking directly at them.

"Uh, Dr. Grey. I was just…" She put up her finger telling to her stop as she continued to read.

"Dr. Grey…" Derek started. She once again put her finger up. When she was finished she shut the chart and turns towards them. "Dr. Grey…"

"I didn't know he was my boss." Lexi blurted out. "I mean, when I met him, I didn't know. I know what you said, but I didn't know so it doesn't count…" Her voice drifted near the end noticing Meredith's facial expression wasn't changing.

"I don't care what you knew or when you knew it." She shook her head.

"Really? Cause you seem mad." Lexi said.

"Meredith." Derek sighed.

"Dr. Grey, my name is Dr. Grey." Meredith said shifting her feet. "Mrs. Jameson has a spiked fever."

"What?" Lexi said loudly.

"While you were out here getting all cuddly with your boss, my patient under your developed a fever. If anything happens with in the next six hours to her," She stepped forward getting in her face. "It's on you."

With that, she turned and walked away.

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"How could he move on so quickly?" She wiped at tears from her eyes before looking back up at Mark. "I mean what was I?"

"You don't deserve this. You didn't deserve any of the shit he's given you."

Her pager went off. "Thanks Mark." She sniffled looking at it as she jumped off the gurney. "It's a code." She hurried off.

She got to the room to see if filled with people. "What are her vitals?" She asked.

"Can't find a pulse." The nurse said.

"Push two of epi." She called out. "I got it." She started to do CPR.

After five minutes of CPR, she called time of death and set off to find Lexi.


	11. Not Worth It

She finally found her down in the café eating lunch across from McDreamy himself. Fuming with anger, she walked over and slammed Mrs. Jameson's chart onto the table causing the two to jump.

"Time of death was 8:02." She said coldly. "Now, would you like to go tell the family that instead of increasing her insulin drip you were making out with your attending or should I do that?"

"I… I'm so sorry." Lexi said looking at her with tear filled eyes.

"Try telling that to Mrs. Jameson's two sons." Meredith said coldly glaring at the two before walking off.

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"I heard?" Christina said walking up with a huge smirk.

"About what?" Meredith asked not looking up from the chart as they walked down the hall.

"You're 'Nazi' speech to your half sister. I must say, I am very proud."

"What kind of self-respecting doctor gets so wrapped up in a make out session that they forget about their patients?"

"Anything involving medicine is near impossible for me to forget about." She said shaking her head. "So was it her fault?"

"Mrs. Jameson had diabetes, heart problems, and head trauma from a car accident. The post-op CT showed her having an aneurism. If she had her insulin, she would have lived… a year or two at most with everything she had. But that's still more time she could've spent with her kids." She sighed. "Der… Dr. Shepherd should have known better than be making out while my intern was on duty, so he's as at fault for this as she."

"Even giving her insulin after she went unconscious didn't help?"

She shook her head. "Too much damage. She went out and between head trauma and her heart problems, her heart just gave."

"Hmm." Christina shook her head. "Medical has to be worth something."

Meredith turned as she back down a hall. "Just waiting for the training to show."

Christina laughed as she walked down the hall. Meredith walked down the separate hall to the nurses' station. She slid the chart into the appropriate hole and notice Alex sitting on a gurney down the hall.

"Hey." She said walking up plopping down beside him.

"Hey and I might I say, good job down in the café." He said chuckling. "I was sure that chick would wet her pants." Meredith laughed.

"How have your interns been?"

"Whiny, not as bad as yours." He commented.

"Thank you for putting up with them while I was gone."

"It's fine, Grey."

She sighed getting up. "I'll see you tonight."

"Okay." She walked off.

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_That night…_

"What are you doing today, Grey?" Alex asked.

"Nothing."

"No Joe's?"

"I've gotten drunk most everyday this week, I figured I would try to go without tequila tonight."

"Bold move, Grey. Well, I'm going out." He grabbed his coat.

"Oh hot date." She joked turning to the TV as she fell back on the couch.

"You could say that?"

She looked over at him raising an eyebrow. "One night stand?"

"Hopefully. But I'll be back tonight, it just might be late."

"What time do you go in?" She asked as he opened the door.

"Not 'til noon. See you around, Grey."

"Have fun," She said

"You can count on that." He smirked as he shut the door. She laughed to herself as she scrolled through the channels.

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There was a knock at the door startling her slightly. She paused the movie and walked to the door.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" She said opening the door to invite him in.

"Ah, movie night." He smirked. "I did those in college to get into girl's pants. Are you trying to get into a girl's pants?"

"Keep dreaming, Sloan." She laughed sitting down on the couch putting the popcorn onto her lap.

"Are you actually going to eat something?" He asked taking a handful cramming it into his mouth.

"I'm about to order pizza." She said.

"Make sure it has extra pepperoni." He called as she walked out.

"What are you doing here, Sloan? Trying to get a free meal?"

"Well, it's a Friday night. You're basically my only friend in town. I decided to come hang out. The food is just a bonus." He said stuffing some popcorn into his mouth.

"What are you in high school?" She called from the kitchen walking back into the living room.

"When do you go in tomorrow?"

"God, you're spitting popcorn everywhere." She made a face as she sat down. "What do you want to eat?"

"I told you, extra pepperoni."

"Fine, we'll get extra pepperoni." She rolled her eyes at him and called it in. "Thirty minutes."

"You didn't answer me."

"What?"

"I asked when you went in tomorrow."

"Oh, um, I have surgery at seven after I instruct my interns and do rounds and all that. Then, I'm free. You?"

"No surgeries."

"So what are you planning to do with your day off, Dr. Sloan?" She asked losing interest in the movie.

"I don't know yet."

"What to grab lunch after you get off?"

"Yeah sure."

"You can pick the place as long isn't Chinese food. I'm fine with anything."

"Then I'll be sure to pick Wong's Chinese Restaurant." She made a face and sighed as silence fell over them. "You okay? I'm not really going to pick Wong's."

"No, it's not that. I still can't believe her just moved on after like four days… and with my half sister at that."

"It's not worth getting mad about." He said wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She laid her head down on his shoulder and sighed. "We'll get through all this crap with Addison and Derek."


	12. Digging Your Own Grave

She got out of surgery the next day and headed back to the main surgical floor. Her patient had survived and was heading up to recovery. She got to the nurses' station.

"Can you page my interns?"

"Yes, Dr. Grey." The nurse said.

"Thank you." She waited impatiently for them soon Harrison and Jonathon showed up. "Where's Dr. Grey?" She tapped her foot expectantly.

"I haven't seen her since she went into surgery with Dr. Shepherd." Harrison said.

"What?" Meredith said her eyes jolting from the page.

"Yeah, she went into surgery with Dr. Shepherd two hours ago." Jonathon interjected.

"I'll be back soon." She said storming off.

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"Alright, part one is finished. We need forty minutes before we start again." Derek announced as he walked into the scrub room. Lexi followed.

"That was…" She stopped talking once she noticed Meredith standing there with her arms crossed.

"Doctors." She said coldly raising an eyebrow.

"Dr. Grey?" Derek said.

"What do you think you're doing? Who were you assigned to today?" Meredith growled.

"But, Dr Grey…" Lexi started.

"Who were you assigned to?" She demanded.

"Dr. Torrez." She mumbled. "But we had no patients and Dr. Shepherd needed an intern. And… And I didn't want to bother you in…"

Meredith put up her hand cutting her off.

"No, shut up, you are band from the OR Dr. Shepherd's or anyone else's."

"That's not fair…"

"Life isn't fair, Dr. Grey. Go tell someone who gives a fuck."

"Meredith, this is my fault." Derek said.

"One, my name is Dr. Grey not 'Meredith.' Two, I don't care. I'm her resident, not you."

"May I talk to you?" He asked. "Alone?"

"Wait outside, Dr. Grey, I am not done with you."

Lexi nodded and walked out.

"Me…Dr. Grey, I needed help Dr. Grey was open."

"She was assigned."

"Dr. Grey…" He started.

"You undermined my authority. You stole an intern from another service. You broke the rules. She knew damn well that she was assigned to Torrez. She broke the rules. She went against what I said. I'm not putting up with this. She's off your service for a month, so don't try to request her. She's band from the OR for three weeks." She turned to the door.

"I'm your boss."

She turned to look at him. "You don't scare me. What are you going to do to me? Complain to Dr. Webber?" She hissed as she walked out. "You're off Nuero for a month. You will not see the inside of the OR for three weeks. Get your ass to the pit."

With that she walked off.

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"Hey." She smiled at him and slipped into the seat at the Italian restaurant that he chose.

"Hey." He smiled back and sipped his water.

"Good choice by the way."

"Thanks. How was surgery?"

"Surgery was fine. Afterwards…" She shook her head. "Not so much."

"What do you mean?"

"Derek is playing favorites with his new intern. He took her from Torrez and let her scrub in. I found out and band her from the OR and his service."

"Nicely played." He clapped.

"Thank you." She smiled and sipped her water. She rubbed her face. "He pulled out his 'I'm your boss.'"

"And you said…?"

"I said 'You don't scare me. What are you going to do? Complain to Dr. Webber?' I mean seriously, if her were to tell on me to him he'd be digging his own grave."

"I'm proud."


	13. Let's Make A Deal

The next day, Meredith woke up and headed to work dreading having to deal with Lexi. She was bound to do the 'But I was just…' comments. If she losses her temper with her one more time, she was going to say something she would regret. She turned off the ignition and got out as a car pulled up beside her. As she stood up throwing her purse over her shoulder, she stood up. Derek got out of his car causing her to stop. She glanced at him before walking off.

"Meredith." He called shutting the car door. She kept walk causing him to sigh. "Dr. Grey." She turned on her heel but didn't stop walking. "I'm going to need an intern."

"I'll let you know." She rolled her eyes turning around. There were plenty of residents with interns and yet he always had to bug the hell out of her.

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"So Dr. Grey may I have an intern?" She turned around at the sound of his voice. She looked at her superior.

"Dr. Grey, may I have an intern?" Mark asked walking up. She turned her eyes from her other superior.

"Dr. Grey, go with Dr. Sloan. Dr. Sloan, I'm sure you're aware Dr. Grey is not permitted in the OR, so…"

"Not to worry, Dr. Grey. I need someone to monitor my patients while I'm in surgery all day."

"Okay, then… Sorry, Dr. Shepherd, I'm all out. Dr. O'Malley or Dr. Yang might have one." She said turning to the interns waiting for her.

"Wait," He said as Mark walked off as Lexi sulked off behind him. They stopped and looked back at Derek as Meredith turned to face him again.

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd?"

"I asked for an intern first." He said.

"I was not joking when I said Dr. Grey is banned from your service. The other interns are just as competent as mine."

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"Nicely handled this morning, Dr. Grey," Mark smirked clapping as he walked up. Meredith smiled at him as he handed her a cup of coffee.

"Thank you, Dr. Sloan. How was your first surgery?" They walked together down the hall.

"Dr. Sloan, um," She shut her eyes trying to remember. "The nurse wants to know if you want the patient in 5929 to have a dressing change ever hour or two."

"I want _you _to change the dressings every hour." He said with a smirk.

"But the nurses can do that."

"But I actually _like_ nurses. They already know how to do their jobs. Unlike interns…" He smirked again. "Now, go, go… skedaddle."

Meredith laughed shaking her head as Lexi ran off. "You don't have to be so cruel to interns. You know, this is a teaching hospital. You do have to teach them something."

"I'm teaching them… how to change bandages." She laughed.

"Whatever."

"You want in?"

"On what?" She asked.

"Surgery."

"I thought you don't like unnecessary people in your OR."

"You are very necessary. We, dirty mistresses, have to stick together. At all times. Including in the OR."

"Alright, when?"

"An hour."

"Alright, see you then." She smiled and called off. "Thanks for the coffee."

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She pulled off her scrub cap and smiled at Mark.

"Thanks Mark."

"Dirty mistress…"

"Have to stick together." She finished.

"My thoughts exactly."

"Up for dinner tonight?"

"Dinner?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Not like that, Sloan. We have to move on… we have to heal before we get involved with anyone." She shook her head. "Here… Want to make a deal?"

"A deal? About what?" He asked turning towards her.

"I don't sleep with anyone. You don't sleep with anyone." Noticing he was going to say something. "Including one-nightstands."

"For how long?"

"However long it takes."

He didn't know why. If it had been anyone else, he would laugh in their face. But something about Meredith Grey made him nod.

"Alright, Grey. No sex."

"No sex." She said shaking his hand. "So dinner?"

"Yeah, dinner sounds good."


	14. Jury's Still Out

_Three weeks later…_

Meredith slipped beside him at the bar. He passed her as shot that had had ordered for her as he did every time they got a drink after work. She took it and drowned it quickly without a word being said. They had settled into more of a routine as days ticked by. They hung out a lot having dinner and lunch together most days. They bought each other coffee or dinner if the other was on-call. They got drinks after work often and listened to each other rant. Meredith would talk about the latest Derek and Lexi news or just about her interns in general. He would talk about surgeries, annoying patients, or stupid interns.

The Lexi situation wasn't really changing much but Meredith kept Derek away from her the most she could. But in another week she technically could be back on his service and there was no telling what would happen. Meredith wasn't sure exactly what was true in the rumor mill. Sometimes she heard they were dating. Some said flirting. Some said they were nothing.

"How was surgery?" She asked looking over at him. He didn't say anything just shrugging a little. "Hey. What's wrong?"

It took awhile for him to answer sipping his scotch in the mean time. "Addi called."

"Oh…" She sighed knowing he would tell her why when he wanted. She didn't want to push him. That's why they got along so well. They got each other. They got each other's situations. They knew not to push each other into talking.

"She wanted to know how I was…" His voice faded as he brought his glass to his lips.

"Seriously?" She said looking over at him again.

"Yep." He tapped his finger on the glass and sighed.

"Are you okay?" She asked resting her hand on his arm.

"I, honestly, don't know."

She wrapped her arms around his upper arm and laid her head down on his shoulder. "You'll be okay."

He finally looked over at her. "So will you?"

"Jury's still out on that." She sighed.

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She couldn't sleep. Her head was full of what was said that night. She glanced at the clock to see it was almost two in the morning. Throwing her feet over the edge of the bed, she stood up and walked to the window. The moon was barely peeking from behind the heavy storm clouds. It was raining.

She had begun wondering whether or not they would ever be fine. Over the last month, she's continued to try and move on. But she would see Lexi and Derek and… it hurt.

She walked to the nightstand and picked up her cell phone quickly dialing a number. After a few rings there was an answer.

"Hello?"

"Did I wake you?"

"Meredith?"

"Yeah…"

"No, I was awake. What are you doing awake?"

"Can't sleep. You?"

"Me neither."

She crawled into bed flicked on the bed side light. She and Mark talked for about two hours.

"Mer?" He said into the phone once he noticed the silence. "Mer?" A light snore came from the other end of the phone. He smiled. "Good night, Mer." He laughed lightly as he shut his phone. He turned off the light and rolled over.


	15. Surgery

She walked into the hospital along side Alex and Christina. The two of them were in a heated debate about something. More or less it was an 'I'm right, you're wrong' fight.

"Come on, Mer, you agree with me, right?" Alex said nudging her pulling her out of her daze.

"No! She's my person. She's not going to take you side, right Mer?"

Meredith just rolled her eyes and picked up the pace slightly to the elevator. They waited for it as Christina and Alex bickered back and forth like little kids. The elevator doors unnoticed by the people inside. Christina and Alex instantly shut up. Because there in front of them was Lexi pushed up against the wall with Derek's hands intertwined in her hand. Their mouths were all over each other. Meredith rolled her eyes and cleared her throat noticing that the doors would be shutting soon and they had yet broken apart.

"I'm so sorry for interrupting you, but this is a hospital." Meredith said loudly. They broke apart. Lexi turned red on instant as the three doctors got in. Alex 'accidentally' kicked Derek in the leg and Christina shot them both glares. "You know, this is a hospital. If we were a patient's family, Dr. Webber would just have your heads." She said throwing them a fake smile. "I'm not kidding. If I see this one more time, you better hope you have a spot in this internship the next day, Dr. Grey."

"Dr. Grey, if I do remember, this was you in your internship." As soon as those words left his mouth, he regretted them.

"Seriously!" Meredith yelled hitting the stop button. "You don't get to call me a whore. If I remember _you _are the one with a secret wife. So, no, Dr. Shepherd, your memory must be a little off cause this, what you have going on right her with my intern, was not me." She hit the stop button again. The doors soon opened and the three residents got off. Christina pushed Derek into the wall "accidentally," and Alex "accidentally" kicked him again.

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"Does it look like I'm going to give you a surgery? Yeah right!" He laughed in the face of Harrison. He noticed Meredith and walked over.

"Hey." She smiled at him as she giggled. "I didn't mean to fall asleep last night."

"Ah, it's fine. You want to go grab a cup of coffee to make it up to me?"

She laughed and nodded as they got on the elevator. Mark hit the button to the bottom floor. When they got off, they headed to the café.

"Go ahead and get a table." Mark offered. Meredith nodded and sat down. Mark soon came over and set the coffee down in front her. "You okay?" He asked. She nodded. "You up for surgery?" He asked. She smiled.

"Why are you so nice to me and nobody else?"

"We're friends. I like you, Grey. Everybody else annoys me." He shrugged.

"I find that oddly sweet."

"Besides, we're all each other has." He made his eyes big and innocent. "We're dirty mistresses." She laughed and nodded.

"Okay, okay. I get your point. I would love to scrub in." She laughed.

"Alright then. You're whiny intern is annoying me. Always thinking I'll actually let them scrub in." He laughed. "How stupid do they think I am?"

"You know, this is a teaching hospital. You have to teach them."

He shrugged.

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She scrubbed into surgery watching as the surgical team readied the OR for the surgery she was about to perform. The door opened and Mark walked in arms crossed.

"I know I said I could do surgery, but a stomach pain came into the pit. I was the only open surgeon." She explained before she asked.

"Then what am I supposed to do for assistance in my surgery?" He asked.

"I don't know… Get an intern." She shrugged as she turned on the sink to rinse the soap from her arms.

"That would imply that I allow an intern to scrub in on any surgery."

"What do you want me to do?" She asked as the sink turned off.

"I'm not letting an intern scrub in."

She turned to look at him and smiled. "I'm sorry, Mark." She started to back into the OR. "Just get an intern to stand in the back of the room."

Mark laughed as she disappeared into the OR.


	16. Spying On Them

"Her? Her? You chose her?" Meredith yelled as she walked up. Mark was standing at the OR board with his arms crossed over his chest. He turned and looked at her.

"You said to get an intern."

"And you just had to choose her?"

"There was nobody else available."

She sighed putting her hand on her head. "I'm sorry… I just…"

"I know." He put her arm around her shoulder as they walked down the hall. "You off?"

"Yep." She smiled. "Up for dinner and a movie. It's just me at home today."

"Sure."

"I just have to go change then we can go."

"I have to go change too." They walked in opposite directions.

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"Come on, Mark. We can just go to Joe's." She said yanking on her arm as he pulled her towards the car.

"For once, we're not going to get drunk. We'll go to that diner around the corner. They have pretty good food."

She sighed. "Fine. But I'm not a baby. I can walk myself."

He laughed. "For some reason, I can see you b-lining to Joe's."

She shook her head. "Don't you have a little faith in me?" He looked back at her giving her a skeptical look. A smirk stretched across her face as she rolled her eyes. They crossed the emergency bay to where his car was. They got out from under the canopy, that hung over where the ambulances pulled in, to feel rain soaking into their clothes. "It never stops raining."

She laughed. "It's Seattle. What did you expect?" She looked up at the sky as did Mark and let the rain fall onto their faces. They bother erupted into laughter as they hurried towards his car.

Little did they know, they were being watched.

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Mark sat down after returning from the bathroom.

"God, you take almost as long as a girl does." She commented sipping her water. He rolled his eyes running his hand through his still wet hair. "Ew, keep it away from my food."

He laughed as he took a sip of his drink. "You're just jealous of my devilishly sexy hair."

She rolled her eyes. "Here comes the ego." They both laughed and continued to eat when their pagers went off.

Letting out an annoyed sigh, they both look down at their pagers.

"911 page. Who would've thought?"

"Life as a doctor." She sighed.

"I got the bill."

"You sure?"

He nodded. "I might be a manwhore but I do know how to treat a lady."

He paid and they headed out.

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He watched as they walked in. She was laughing about something and he had that smile on his face. The one he had once heard her refer to as the 'McSteamy' smile. He could feel the anger rushing through his veins as he clutched to the railing of the overpass a little harder. His pager went off causing him to look away from the scene. When he looked back up, they had disappeared somewhere. Letting out an annoyed sigh, he looked back at his pager.

"Derek, are you coming?" Richard yelled as he ran towards the stairs. Derek nodded giving the direction they were heading one last look before hurrying off.

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"What's going on?" Meredith asked as she walked into the pit.

"A train derailed and ran right into an office building." Christina said.

"How was the scene?" She asked.

Christina hurried off with stretcher. "A mess" She yelled as she ran back. A scream filled the air as another stretcher was wheeled in. Meredith whipped around as they wheeled a young girl in.

"It's going to be a long night."


	17. Confrontations

"What do we have?" She asked looking down at the crying little girl. She had light brown to blonde hair and her face was red as sobbed and screamed.

"About 4 years old, female, stuck under a pole that collapsed in the building." The paramedic informed her.

"Why was she even there? Get her to trauma 2." She ordered. They wheeled her away. Meredith looked across the pit as she sighed and caught Mark's eye. She smiled at him before hurrying to trauma 2.

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Meredith stood in the young child's room as she slept in her bed. She was writing on the patients chart. Without being identified, the only name they knew her by was Jane Doe. The CT showed a minor concussion, and she had three broken ribs, a fractured leg, and skull fracture. After about 30 minutes of trying to get information from the screaming child, Meredith decided to give her pain meds that eventually led to her falling asleep.

The door opened causing her to look up. Derek stood in the doorway. She looked back down at the chart trying to ignore his presence. He didn't say anything just watched her chart. She knew he was staring at her.

"What?" She whispered harshly. He gestured for her to follow. Meredith sighed and put the chart back on the end of the bed. She followed quietly shutting the door behind her before walking into the supply closet. She crossed her arms across her chest. "What do you want?" She asked again more harshly.

"What are you doing with Mark?"

"What? That's what you wanted?'

"I saw you with him. What are you doing with him? Is this someway to get back at me? Fucking my best friend?" He yelled slamming the shelves into the wall making a loud noise.

"First off, it's none of your business. Second off, is you way to get back at me is by fucking my half sister? Third off, GO TO HELL!" She yelled before storming out.

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She walked into her room again. Grabbing her chart, she opened in and walked towards the IV. As she adjusted the IV and monitors she heard a quiet moan. She looked down at the bed to see the little girl's eyes flutter open.

"Can you hear me sweetie?" She asked. The little girl moaned again nodding slightly. "Can you tell me how you feel?"

"Owie," She yelped quietly.

"I know, Sweetie. What's your name?"

"Victoria."

"Victoria what?"

"Victoria Smith."

"How old are you?"

She put up five fingers.

"Alright, Victoria, I'm Dr. Grey but you can call me Meredith, okay?" She nodded sleepily. "Get some rest."

"Mama? Dada?"

"We're you with them before the accident?"

Victoria nodded. "Do they have owies too?"

"I don't know, but I'm going to go find out. I'll be back soon." She pushed Victoria's hair out of her eyes before walking out.

"Did any patients come in with the last name Smith?" She asked a nurse.

"Not that I know of."

Meredith nodded before walking off. She needed to find Victoria's parents. Mark was standing at the nurses' station after having coming out of surgery. She walked over.

"Hey," He smiled at her. "There are so many surgeries."

"Smith? Do you have any patients with the last name Smith?"

He shrugged. "Mostly Jane or John Does, why?"

"My little girl is named Victoria Smith. She was with her parents when the train plowed into the building. She was stuck under some type of pole. Crushed the poor thing."

"What type of injuries?"

"Concussion, fractured skull, three broken ribs, and fractured leg."

"Wish I could help. Sorry."

She sighed. "Thanks. Going back into surgery?"

"In ten minutes, I'm going to go get some coffee. Want to come?"

"Sure." She followed him off. "You will never guess who was spying on us."

"Who?" He looked back at her angry face. "Derek?"

She nodded. "Then, he said that I was trying to get back at him by having sex with you." She rolled her eyes. "He always thinks that I'm screwing every male I come in contact with. I'm not screwing you. Or Alex. Or George… okay maybe once but that was a big mistake…"

"Mer, you're rambling." He laughed.

"Get used to it." She glared at him but smiled anyway. He handed her a cup of coffee. "Thanks."

"Anytime, Grey."


	18. Coffee

Christina, Izzie, Alex, and George walked into the café to eat.

"What is she doing with McSteamy?" Izzie asked when she saw Meredith and Mark talking at one of the tables.

"She's been spending more and more time with him." Christina stated as she stared at them and slipped into one of the chairs at a different table.

"Maybe she's screwing him." Alex said with an evil smirk getting glares from the others.

"Maybe their just friends." George said. "I mean him and Dr. Montgomery and her and Dr. Shepherd, similar experiences."

"I don't know," Izzie sighed. "Maybe something is up with them."

"It's weird that you care." Alex commented stuffing a few fries into his mouth.

"She's our friend. We're supposed to be concerned with what is going on." Izzie said.

"Whatever. When it comes to her love life, it's entertaining but if you get all caught up in it…" He shook his head.

"Shut it, Evil Spawn." Christina glared throwing a couple fries at him

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Meredith looked down at her watch.

"Don't you have surgery in like three minutes?" She asked looking back up at him.

He stood up tossing his cup away. "They really can't start without me."

"You have a big ego." She shook her head standing up. "I'll see you later?"

"Sure." He shrugged before leaving.

Meredith sighed throwing her cup away in the trash. Rubbing her hand over her face, she sighed. "Alright guys, you can stop staring at me." Rolling her eyes to herself, she turned and looked at her friends a table away.

"So, what are you doing with McSteamy?" Christina asked.

"Nothing. He's my fellow dirty mistress. He's my friend. Nothing more. Nothing less." She rolled her eyes. "I'll see you guys later. I have to find my patient's parents." She walked out of the café.

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Victoria was awake by the time Meredith got back to her room.

"Meredith?" She asked once she noticed Meredith coming into the room.

"Yes?"

"Have you found my mama and dada?"

Meredith sighed. "Not yet. It's going to be a little hard. There are a lot of people who don't know exactly who they are. But I'll find them, I promise."

"Thank you."

"Your welcome. How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess."

"That's good. How about I go and find your parents and you rest some more?" Victoria nodded. Meredith smiled at her before walking out. "Alex?"

"What's up, Grey?"

"Have you put a name to any of your victims from the crash?"

"Ah, yeah…"

"And Smiths?"

"I don't think so."

Meredith nodded and sighed. "If you do…"

"I'll let you know." He sighed and walked off.

She walked down the hall to the nurses' station. Rubbing her temples, she let out a long sigh.

"Dr. Grey?" She jumped at the sound of someone's voice. She turned to see Lexi and Harrison standing there.

"What?" She started to walk down the hall and Lexi and Harrison followed.

"Dr. Sloan needs assistance on his surgery," Lexi started. "I was wondering if I could scrub in again."

Meredith rolled her eyes. He just had to choose her. "What did Dr. Sloan say?"

"He said talk to you." Harrison answered. "And for the record, I want in too."

Meredith sighed pushing the door open to the scrub room. "Dr. Sloan?"

"Dr. Grey? What brings you by?" She glared at him and gestured the interns standing behind her. "Ah, interns."

She nodded. "Who do you need to scrub in?"

"Well, if you're free…"

"I have to look for my patient's mother and father."

"That's what interns are for."

She shrugged. "I made a promise to a five year old girl and I intend to keep it."

He nodded and sighed. "I need another body in the OR, other than that, I don't care." He continued to scrub in.

"What about Alex?"

He glared at her. "I'm sure he's busy."

She sighed. "Dr. Grey, what were you assigned to?"

"My patient died." She answered.

"Dr. Rogers?"

"So did mine."

"Alright who ever can answer this, scrubs in." Mark smirked. "How much does a cappuccino, the way I like it, cost in the lobby?"

"What?" Meredith looked at him like he was crazy as did the interns.

"Just answer the question."

"I don't know." Harrison shrugged.

"Like four something." Lexi sighed.

"This is why I tell interns to go get coffee for me. How am I supposed to trust that you'll remember a procedure if you can't remember how much a coffee costs? Dr. Grey, do you know it?"

"Yes."

"And?" He asked.

"$4.56, unless it's Sunday which would make it $3.90. I was an intern to at one point." She smirked at him.

"Good job, Dr. Grey. You can scrub in."

She sighed. "No, I have to find this girl's parents."

He was taken a little off guard, but nodded. "Dr. Rogers, scrub in."

"What? Why can't I?" Lexi protested as Meredith slipped out.

"Because I don't let interns scrub in except for when I have to. You already have scrubbed in."

"And stood in the back of the room!" Lexi protested again.

"Where do you think he'll be? I can't risk getting sued because I let an intern near a live body." He smirked and walked into the OR.

"He's an ass." Lexi snapped.

"Plastics is an arrogant field. He's a plastics god. I want to be him." Harrison smiled.


	19. A Helping Hand

Meredith glanced up as someone set a coffee down beside her. She was sitting in the conference room with a mountain of charts and papers all around her. Mark slid into a seat as he sipped his own coffee.

"Thanks." She sighed, sitting back in the chair as she pushed her hair out of her face and sipped her coffee.

"No problem." He looked around as she went back to work. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to find Victoria's parents." She mumbled not looking up from the page she was reading.

"Why? I mean, you're a surgeon. Why are you bothering with something that's not your job?" He asked. She looked up and shrugged.

"Because… I told her that I would find her parents and… now I'm going to do it."

"Have you been in surgery at all today?"

She shook her head and sighed. Her eyes traveled up the large stack that still had to be taken care of. "No time, I still have to work through all of these and those… and those. I have to go through the surgical, non-surgical, ICU, morgue, missing persons, recovery, and discharges. They're estimating that there were nearly a thousand injuries all together."

"How long have you been down here?"

She glanced at her watch. "Almost an hour." She rubbed her hand over her face. "When's your next surgery?"

"Twenty minutes."

"Then you should start going."

"Yeah I guess you're right."

"Of course I am."

"And you say I have an ego." He chuckled. "I'll see you later."

"Thanks for the coffee."

"Your welcome." He walked out.

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She had to leave her work to tend to a patient an hour after she left. The patient ended up coding a half an hour later and they worked her for awhile. She checked on Victoria who was already asleep. It was getting to be seven before she returned to the conference room. Now, it was nine and she was still working her way through charts, discharge papers, and morgue notes. She had gotten through about half which was piled at the end of the table. Once the pile of "already been done" charts had reach pretty high, she carefully pushed it to the end of the table trying to make room for the next set. After reading probably more than two or three hundred charts, all the words were starting to sound the same. She had read enough on every Jane or John Doe to be able to pick them out in a crowd. She had stared at countless numbers of morgue photos. It was like the dead and injured were hunting her. She had talked to her friends and Christina's words were "why the hell do you care?" Izzie was a little more understanding as was George. Alex said all the same as Christina. They had all gone home or were heading that way or to Joe's.

Her stomach rumbled as she rubbed her temples shutting yet another folder setting it aside. She blinked trying to clear her vision after staring at a page for a long while. Sighing, she grabbed another folder and set it in front of her. Bringing her attention back to the task at hand, she began to read another report. The door opened and Mark walked in. In each hand he held a Styrofoam container. She didn't hear the door, but the smell instantly caught her attention. She lifted her head and looked at him.

"Hey." Her eyes were trained on the containers.

"Hey." He smiled setting the food in front of her.

"You didn't have to. But I'm definitely happy you did."

He chuckled and sat down beside her. "So what do this kid's parents look like?"

She looked at him. "What?"

He picked up a folder and opened it. "What do they look like?"

"You don't have to help."

"I want to. If you're stuck here, so am I. We're fellow dirty mistresses. We stick together."

"I'm sure there's some place you would rather be."

"I wouldn't want to be any place but here." He looked up and smiled. "So what do they look like?"

Meredith smiled as she sighed. "Father's name is Jerry Smith and has brown hair, brown eyes… she said tall. Mother's name is Kathryn Smith. She has blonde hair and blueish eyes and is tall too. But everyone is tall to a four year old."

"Found anything yet?"

"No, I've gone through and there are people who are close to the description, but they've been identified or… dead and don't seem to match up."

"Let's get to work." Mark said looking down at the papers.

"Thank you, Mark."

He smiled. "I wouldn't let you drowned in this alone. What kind of person would I be?"

She smiled and went back to work.


	20. Why?

"So McSteamy stayed and helped you?" Christina smirked at her as they walked through the doors of the front entrance. Meredith groaned.

"It's too early to be interrogated."

"Why did McSteamy keep the bed rocking?" Christina laughed as Meredith glared at her.

"We were here in the conference room trying to find my patient's parents."

"Did you?"

"Did I what?" She asked rubbing her face.

"Find her parents?"

She sighed as they got on the elevator. "I'm not sure. There's a male DOA that matches the description. I'm waiting for results on DNA between him and Victoria."

Christina nodded. "So McSteamy…"

She put up her finger as the doors shut. "Don't start."

Christina smirked. "Don't need to."

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She looked at the three interns assembling in front of her. She waited silently as Harrison joined the group. Rubbing her heavy eyes, she let out a long sigh before looking back up at the interns.

"I am not in the mood today, so if you plan on making my day miserable… change your plans or I will make your life hell. I have surgery in an hour and need one of you fools to scrub in." She looked down at her chart then back up at the eager faces of her interns. "Dr. Moore would you like to assist in my surgery today?"

Jonathon nodded flashing a large smile. Meredith rolled her eyes as she looked down at the chart she held in her hands. "Dr. Grey you're with Dr. Bailey. Dr. Rogers, Dr. Shepherd needs an intern to cover his patients while he's in surgery. Dr. Moore, go prep my patient in 4102 for surgery." With that she walked away.

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She yawned as she wrote on her post-op patient's chart.

"Hey." A voice came from behind her. She turned her head to look. Mark stood there holding out two cups of coffee.

"Hey." She mumbled back looking back at the chart. He set the coffee down and pushed it towards her. "Thanks."

"Did you get the results back?"

She nodded sadly. "The John Doe is Jerry Smith."

"Have you told her?"

"What am I supposed to tell a four year old?" She snapped. Looking at him, she sighed. "Sorry… I just… need to find her mother first."

He nodded. "I understand. Do you need any help?"

"You've been more helpful then you'll ever know, but you look tired. We were here until midnight. So you got what? Four hours of sleep on an on-call room bed?"

"That's like the…" He paused trying to remember. "… the pot calling the kettle black or whatever. You got less sleep than I did, you had to drive home."

"I know, but she's my patient."

"We started this together. We can finish it together."

She sighed. "Do you know how corny that sounded?"

He laughed. "It sounded good thought, right?"

She started to giggled. "Yeah it did."

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She found herself going through more folders that had been delivered earlier that day. The ones from the night before had been removed and placed where they were to go. Now, two stacks sat at mid-table. She looked down at her watch before reaching for another. Part of her wondered if he was really going to come. She found herself wanting him to come. The other half knew he would. She didn't know which side to believe. It was about a half an hour passed from when they agreed to meet in the same conference room as the day before. She glanced over at the pizza box that sat on the table next to a couch that was pushed up against the wall. It was probably getting cold by now, but she didn't want to eat it until he got there.

Brushing it off as a surgery that ran late, she pushed on through a couple more charts before she found herself looking back up at the clock. Forty minutes since they were supposed to meet. Sighing, she continued through two more before looking at her watch again. Fifty. She looked down at her hands trying to figure out why, she felt let down. Getting up, she walked over to the pizza and felt the box. It still seemed to be considerable warm, but she wasn't sure.

"Ten minutes." She mumbled to herself before resuming her seat.

As she got through another chart, she looked up at the clock again unsure why she was looking at it so frequently. She straightened her piles and took the ones she looked trough to the end of the table. The door opened as she sat back down into the chair. Mark walked in.

"Sorry, I'm late. Whiny patient. Whiny intern."

"I didn't even notice. I've been busy." She lied as she pulled another chart.

"How many have you gotten through?"

"Twenty or so."

"Want to eat?"

He smiled. "Yeah."

She got up to get the pizza the nagging feeling of why. Why did she even care? Why did she lie? Why did she look at the clock in the first place?

She shook the thoughts from her head laying the box in the middle of the table so they could both reach it.

"Thank you for all of this, Mark."

"You're welcome, Mer." He smiled at her.

She settled back into her chair. It was weird. She just loved being in his company, but she wasn't sure why. They were friends.


	21. Didn't Come Home

_The next day…_

"She didn't come home last night." Izzie told Christina as they and Alex walked into the hospital.

"Because she was doing the McNasty with McSteamy." Christina said plainly. Alex chuckled as they entered the elevator.

"Hold in." Someone called before slipping in.

"Thanks," Meredith sighed.

"So how was McSteamy?" Christina asked with a smirk.

"What?" She turned towards her friends.

"She means in bed, Grey." Alex said before getting a confused face. "Why am I involved in this?"

"Because you love hearing about her love life as much as us." Izzie said before turning her attention back to Meredith.

"I didn't sleep with him." She rolled her eyes turning towards the front of the elevator.

"Then why didn't you come home?" Christina asked causing Meredith to glare at Izzie.

"We were working until late. I didn't want to drive home only to drive back in five hours. I was tired. It was raining so the roads were slick. I slept in an on-call room in my own bed, by myself."

"Uh-huh." Christina said. "That's what they always say."

Meredith rolled her eyes as the doors open and they all got off.

"So did you find her mother?" Izzie asked.

Meredith nodded. "She's been unconscious as Dr. Shepherd's Jane Doe. I have to go talk to my patient. So are we done here?"

She didn't wait for an answer before walking off. She was tired of them assuming she's sleeping with Mark. It ticked her off that they couldn't stay out of her sex life. And she was just tired and didn't feel like putting up with them.

"Hey." A voice came. She turned her head already knowing who it was.

"Hey."

"Are you going to go talk to her?"

"I don't know. I mean I could tell her that her mother will be okay and let, when she wakes up, her mother tell her about her father."

He nodded. "That could work."

"Thank you for all your help."

"Anytime, Grey, Anytime." He smiled at her before walking off as she walked into the locker room. Quickly changing, she headed off to find her interns.

She finally found them at the nurses' station.

"I should not have to spend all this time finding you." She said as she walked up.

They all mumbled some sort of an apology. Meredith sighed before starting to walk.

"Dr. Rogers, go find Dr. Bailey. Dr. Moore, go find Dr. Torrez. Dr. Grey…"

"Dr. Grey?"

Meredith turned at the sound of her name. "Yes, Dr. Shepherd?"

"I need an intern."

"You didn't request one. I have none."

"I could go…"Meredith turned and glared at her. "Dr. Grey." Lexi finished quietly looking to the ground.

"Yes, what about Dr. Grey, Dr. Grey?" Derek smiled at her causing Meredith to roll her eyes.

"Last time I check, Dr. Grey here was still banned from your service for another week, Dr. Shepherd." She answered mimicking his tone.

"I need an intern."

"I need one too and Dr. Grey is my intern. Go ask Dr. Yang or something." Derek sighed and walked off angry. "If you are all standing there when turn around, I will be so mad."

Harrison and Jonathon quickly scattered as Meredith turned.


	22. What Are You Doing With Him?

It was getting to be lunchtime and Lexi was already annoying the crap out of Meredith. She was beginning to wonder weather or not it would be easier just to ditch the intern and do all the work by herself. But, she continued through the day answering annoying questions about procedures she could do with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back. She answered questions about the simplest patients. She avoided questions about her father and stuff.

She walked down the hall utterly annoyed. She felt someone following her, so she glanced over her shoulder to see Mark hurrying to catch up.

"Hey." She smiled at him as he came up beside her.

"Hey. Want to grab some lunch?"

"Yeah, I just have to go write something on a chart before I forget. Meet you down there." She called before heading down a separate hallway.

"Alright."

She walked to the nurses' station. "Can I have the chart on Anthony Byres?"

"Sure thing." The nurse answered in a heavy country accent.

"Meredith? May I speak to you?"

"My name is Dr. Grey." She rolled her eyes before smiling at the nurse. "Thanks."

"Your welcome." She smiled before continuing her work as Meredith began to write on the chart.

"Mer…" He sighed. "Dr. Grey." She didn't answer right away finishing on her chart first.

"What do you want Dr. Shepherd?" She turned to look at him as she shut the chart. He grabbed her elbow and tried to lead her towards the stairs but she jerked it away. "I can walk myself."

Angrily, she pushed the door opened, walked to the stairs, and abruptly turned towards him with a scowl on her face. She crossed her arms across her chest and looked at him expectantly, but he said nothing.

"I have to met some…"

"What are you doing with him?"

"What?" She was now utterly confused.

"Mark? What are you doing with him?"

"I'm pretty sure it's none of your business." She walked to the door. "So stay out of it."

"He's a bad influence. He's a bad person." He said as she pushed the door open. "You should stay away from him."

"I'll do what I want. You do what you want." With that, she walked away. As he watched her walk out, he couldn't help but feel a mixture of thing. Guilt. Jealousy. Pain. Sadness. And anger.

He kicked the door open and walked out.

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"Hey." He smiled at her which she couldn't help but return.

"Hey." She sat down across from him putting down her tray.

"You okay?" She looked up from her food at him.

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

She was caught a little off guard that he knew something was up even though she wasn't showing it. She nodded slowly as she chewed a large bit of food in her mouth. "It's nothing just…" She sighed. "Derek being an ass."

He sighed and nodded. "Want me to kick his ass?"

She laughed. "No, I'm fine really."

"Let me know if you change your mind."

She smiled. "I will."


	23. Annoying Interns

"Dr. Grey?" Her voice was called causing her to roll her eyes letting out a quiet groan.

"Yes Dr. Grey…" She sighed. "What can I do for you?"

"If we were scrubbing in on anything today?" She asked the excitement intertwined in her voice. Meredith used every ounce of self control to not bang her own head against the counter in frustration. Sliding the chart back into the slot it previously occupied, she turned to look at the intern.

"Not as of right now." She turned and headed down the hall. Hurrying after her, Lexi began talking again.

"What should I do then?"

"Have you done everything I've assigned you to?"

"Yes."

"Then make yourself useful in the pit." Meredith called back as Lexi slowed to a stop. Letting out a sigh, she watched as her half-sister turn and walked away.

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Rubbing her eyes, she walked into a room letting her eyes get focused on the chart she was staring at. A noised startled her causing her eyes to spring from the page. The woman's eyes open.

"Mrs. Smith?" She walked over and looked down at the face of the middle-aged woman. "Kathryn? Can you hear me?"

Kathryn nodded letting out a whimper.

"I'm Dr. Grey, okay? I'm your daughter's doctor." Meredith spoke slowly and clearly so the patient could understand her. "Do you remember what happen?"

Kathryn nodded again letting out a cry at the memory. "Where's Victoria? Is she okay?" She finally spoke in a quiet tone.

Meredith took her hand. "She's doing fine. She came in with only minor injuries."

Kathryn nodded. "What about Jerry?" She must have noticed Meredith's change in demeanor because worry washed over her face quickly. "Where's my husband?"

"Mrs. Smith, you have to calm down."

"What happened to my husband?" She almost yelled.

"I'm so sorry. We did everything they could."

A cry erupted from Kathryn's mouth as sobs racked her body. Pulling herself away from Meredith, she began to sob harder. "Jerry!" She screeched. "No. No."

"I'm so sorry."

"Get out! Get out! Leave me alone!" Kathryn yelled. Meredith retreated to the door. "I said get out."

She pulled the door shut and let her head fall. Rubbing her temple, she let out a long sigh before walking down the hall.

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Only an hour more. The shift had been hard today and she was sure it had something to do with an annoying intern and her patient's mother's outburst at her. Slumping low into the chair, she hoped not to be seen.

"What are you doing?" Christina asked taking a large bite out of her apple.

"Hiding." Meredith whispered harshly.

"From who?"

"Annoying interns. She's been following me around like a freaking lost puppy looking for work."

"Puppies don't work, Mer."

"I know that." She said glaring at her.

"Whatever. I have to go scrub in on a surgery." Meredith pouted. "No." She knew that look. The look of 'please let me scrub in on your surgery.'

"I would do it for you."

"That's the difference between us."

"I hate you."

"You love me." She laughed before walking off. Letting out a sigh, Meredith sat back.

"Dr. Grey!" Meredith winced at the sound of her voice. Her head fell forward into her hands. "What can I do now?"

"I told you to make yourself useful in the pit."

"I've been doing sutures for two hours."

Meredith stood up slamming her fist down. "It's called being an intern, okay? You suture. You run labs. You do whatever the hell your residents tell you to and you don't expect something in return." Lexi looked down at her feet nodding silently. "GO!"

She hurried off almost tripping over herself in the process.


	24. You're Falling For Him

_Two weeks later…_

The accident seemed like a distant memory. Mostly all the patients had left the hospital. Most had been discharged or sent to another long term facility or recover place. Everything returned to normal. Annoying interns. Worried patients. Patients who needed a high. Patients who really need help. Surgeries.

She sat at the nurses' station watching as Mark yelled at a careless intern. She could tell he was mad from the way he stood. She could tell he was annoyed by the way he ran his hand through his hair every couple of minutes.

"Hey." Christina's voice came causing her to jump.

"Hey." She sighed turning her chair to face her. "How was surgery?"

"Do you ever expect me to say bad?" Meredith smiled shaking her head turning back to her work. "McSteamy watching?"

"What? No." She answered defensively.

"You like McSteamy. Who doesn't? No shame in wanting him."

"Shut up Christina." She hissed putting the chart where it belonged.

"Oh it's not like you don't want him."

"He's my friend."

"If that's what you want to call it."

"A very good friend." She sighed rubbing her face. Christina smirked triumphantly.

"I'll give you a week."

"I'm not going to sleep with him." She hissed. "He's my friend. He's my male you."

"So you would have sex with me if I were a guy?"

"What?" She turned in her chair again.

"You would do McSteamy and if he's the male form of me. You would do me if I were a guy."

"Okay… So weird to think about. Go away now."

She laughed walking away. Meredith turned her head to have her gaze meet with Mark who was leaning over the counter.

"What's weird to think about?"

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Why? Is there something I shouldn't have heard? Were you talking about me, Grey?"

"No." She answered quickly.

"Then, what were you talking about?"

"Tampons. We were talking about tampons." She gave him a smile as she stood up. "I'm got to go."

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"So is McSteamy rocking your world in your little daydream?" Christina's voice came as she sat across from her at the table.

"Shut up, Christina."

"What were you thinking about?"

"A patient." She lied.

"Uh-huh. Was this patient's name Mark 'McSteamy' Sloan?"

"Stop! I mean it."

"Whatever, Mer. Eventually you're going to realize you're falling for McSteamy and I'm going to be right here doing a little victory dance."

She glared at her, but her attention was drawn to something over her shoulder. She watched as he walked over to get his food. He wasn't in a hurry. She could tell. She always could tell his mood by his actions. It was weird but she could. She watched as he got his coffee and a sandwich before looking around for someone to sit with. Noticing the pair, he smiled and began walking over. She heard the hair move causing her to look in that direction to see Derek sitting down.

"What do you want?" She scowled.

"Yeah, McAss, I'm _trying_ to enjoy my lunch. I cannot do that with you sitting there." Christina said with a smug grin. He rolled his eyes looking at Meredith.

"Hi." He gave her a wide smile. Now, she rolled her eyes.

"What do you want?" She said again a little louder.

"What would you do if I got a girlfriend?"

"What?" She looked at him in confusion. "Nothing. I wouldn't care."

"I would wish her good luck on surviving a month with you." Christina stated plainly with a small smirk. Meredith strained not to smile at the comment.

"Thank you, Dr. Yang." He replied sarcastically.

"Are you done?" Meredith asked glancing back at Mark who was watching from a far. "Because I seriously don't want to sit near you."

"So you would do nothing?"

"I wouldn't care!" She stressed 'care.'

"Okay." He stood up.

"That is unless it's my intern. Then, I'd make sure her life is a living hell just like Bailey did to me."

Derek stopped briefly but shook his head and continued. She looked back up and Mark walked over slipping into a seat.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey." Meredith muttered back.

"It's good to see you, McSteamy." Christina said looking at Meredith and mouthed. "Isn't it?"

Meredith kicked her under the table.


	25. Gotta Stop These Dirty Thoughts

"Did you have to kick me so hard?" Christina asked rubbing her hand over the large bruise on her shin.

"Yes." Meredith glared. "You deserved it."

Christina sighed letting her scrub pants fall again before following her down the hall.

"I have surgery." She said turning towards her. "I'll see you later."

"With who?" Christina asked as Meredith turned to walk away.

"What?" She said turning back towards her.

"Who do you have surgery with?"

Meredith glared at her before walking away. Christina laughed before turning and going the opposite direction.

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Her words wouldn't leave her head as she watched Mark work.

"_I'm not falling for Mark. He's Mark. My male Christina. My male person. My… Whatever. I'm not going to fall in love with him. That's crazy talk… God he's so perfect… at his job. AT HIS JOB!! Right? He's Mark. My friend. Nothing more. Plus he could any woman he wants. He wouldn't just settle for me. That kind of guy doesn't 'just settle' for girls like me. Besides we're way to emotionally invested in our friendship to get involved any other way. It wouldn't end well... for either of us. I should just give up men. All the way. Totally. No more men. It didn't end well for me and Derek or Mark and Addison or Christina and Burke or Alex and Izzie. Relationships SUCK!" _

He glanced up catching her gaze. "Can you bring the suction over here?"

"_Why does surgery require this terminology? What am I kidding? I could never swear off men. I tried that before… it didn't work out well. Maybe if I was better at knitting… then, then maybe I could become celibate. But since I can't knit, I might as well have sex. God, I'm horny. Okay. Focus. Surgery. Surgery. Surgery."_

The surgery finished well and Mark sewed the patient up as Meredith walked out. Scrubbing out, she watched as he disrobed his surgical garb. Smiling to herself, she quickly shook the thought from her head. Mark entered the scrub and smiled her.

"Good Job in there, Grey." He smirked turning on the water.

"Thank you, Dr. Sloan." She smiled back grabbing paper towels. "I'll see you later?"

"Yeah. Maybe we'll do pizza."

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Opening then door, she let him in. He smiled at her handing her a bag.

"You didn't have to stop for food." She said taking it towards the kitchen.

"It doesn't matter. Your worth spending my money on."

"Aw how sweet." She smiled at him before giggled. He chuckled and sat down on the bar.

"I know. I'm a gentleman."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say." She opened the containers and smiled as a puff of great smelling steam blew up into her face. "It smells so good."

He smiled and watched as she stuck her finger in the sauce and licked it off.

"Yum." She smiled.

He tried to focus on what she was saying, but he couldn't.

"_Does she have to do that? God I haven't had sex in so long. Stop it, Mark. Stop."_

"I'm going to go change. It's hot as hell in here."

"_Yes it is… Stop!" _

He smiled. "Okay."

She walked out. He put his forehead in his hands. "Focus, Sloan. Focus."


	26. Sleeping With Him

She came back down in a pair of loose pajama pants and a tank top. She found Mark in the kitchen dishing the spaghetti onto some plates he had found. Smiling at him, she sat down at the bar and watched as he finished putting the food on the plates.

"Want to watch a movie?" She asked.

"No chick-flicks."

Meredith rolled her eyes but gigged none the less. "Okay, no chick-flicks. We'll watch an action pack thriller."

"Really?"

She laughed as she walked into the living room. "No."

Mark pretended to groan, but still had a smile on his face.

'_I want her so bad.' _He thought to himself before following her into the living room.

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How she got that way, he wasn't sure. But with her head on his chest and her light snores drowning out the quiet whispers on the movie. But he didn't notice the missing lines in the story. His mind was elsewhere. And his eyes were on something else.

It was nearly midnight. And he knew he should probably wake her, bring her to her room, and go back to his place, but he didn't move. Maybe it was selfish, but he wanted nothing more than to lay there and hold her. Propping his feet up on the coffee table, he pulled her closer to him wrapping his arm around her back. She snuggled closer to him.

And that's how they fell asleep.

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_The next morning…_

The alarm on his watch went off waking him from his sleep. It surprised him how well he had slept even though he was on a couch. It was better than the sleep he got on his own bed. He looked down at the still sleeping Meredith. For some reason he couldn't figure out, he didn't want to move. If they stayed like that all day, he would be the happiest man alive. Taking a deep breath, he savored the moment.

"Mer? Meredith?" He said quietly nudging her light.

"Hmm? Huh?" She said still half asleep.

"We have to get up for work."

She groaned getting closer to him. "I don't want to."

He chuckled. "We could call in…"

"I can't." She groaned sitting up. "I have interns." She yawned. "You know you could have woken me. You didn't have to stay on the couch."

He smiled. "It's my pleasure."

She smiled back but said nothing. They stared at each other for a few minutes.

"I, ah, better go take a shower." She said breaking the stare.

"Um, yeah." He sighed, standing up. "I should go."

"Okay."

"See you at work, Grey."

"Yeah, see you at work." She smiled at him before scurrying up the stairs.

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She walked into the locker room and shot a smile at her friends as she opened her locker.

"I heard that McSteamy was leaving your house early this morning." Christina said.

"How did you know about that? I was the only one home?"

"I didn't. You just told me. So was it good, cause it looks like it would be good." Christina said.

"I didn't sleep with him." Meredith snapped.

"So he just spent the night? You and I both know he's Mark Sloan." Izzie said leaning against her locker looking at Meredith.

"Do we have to be here for this?" George asked gesturing himself and Alex.

"Nobody said you have to be here." Christina snapped before looking expectantly at Meredith.

"We fell asleep watching a movie, if you must know." She said slamming her locker. "You guys need to trust me more."

"We do trust you. But McSteamy is… McSteamy. The amazingly hot man-whore we all know and love. Just maybe not as much as you." Christina said with a satisfied smile.

Meredith rolled her eyes at her friends. "One, he's a reformed man-whore. Neither of us have had sex in more than a month. And two, he's my friend."

"Meredith, you're falling for him. We can all see it." Izzie said.

"I'm just still in shock she hasn't had sex in a month or more." Christina shook her head. "You won't be able to hold out much longer. It might as well be with McSteamy."

Meredith rolled her eyes again. "I have to go meet my interns." She headed for the door calling back. "And I can survive without sex you know."

"I give her to the end of next week." Alex laughed walking out.

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"Alright, Dr. Grey you are with… Dr. Sloan. Dr. Rogers go find Shepherd. And Dr. Moore you're with Torrez." Meredith announced before turning to walk off.

"Dr. Grey?" A voice came. She glanced over her shoulder.

"Good Morning, Dr. Sloan." He held out one of his two coffees. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. So what do you have today?" He asked walking beside her.

"A meeting with the chief to pick a specialty."

"What are you planning on picking?"

"Why would I tell you? It would take all the fun out of it." She smirked at him when the feeling of being followed washed over her. Glancing over her shoulder, she noticed Lexi trailing not far behind them. Mark looked back too.

"Dr. Grey, go make yourself useful and change the bandages on my patient in 4201."

Lexi groaned, but headed off anyway. Meredith didn't bother to give him the teaching hospital speech.

"What time do you get off tonight, Grey?"

"Nine, why?"

"You up for Joe's."

"With you? I don't know…"

"I am deeply offended, Dr. Grey."

Meredith giggled. "Okay, I'll go to Joe's with you."

He stopped and turned to look at her. "I have surgery in two hours. You want in?"

She smiled. "Are you picking me just cause I said I'll go to Joe's with you?"

"Maybe I'm playing a little bit of favoritism… But you're worth it."

She giggled. "Then, I'll be happy to assist you in your surgery today. I'll see you than Dr. Sloan."

"Okay, Dr. Grey."


	27. Drunk

The familiarity of Joe's Bar always gave her the same comfort when ever she heard the bell ring of the door and the air turn from the crisp cold Seattle air to the warm atmosphere of the bar. So many things over the years had started, ended, and changed in that bar. Many nights she had spent hunched over a shot glass of tequila as her friends listened to her pity herself or brought self-pity down on themselves. Those nights seemed to come less and less frequent. She and Mark had been spending more and more time out of the bar and at her house or at dinner or wherever. The need for alcohol started to subside more and more as they became more and more healed from past pains.

She always laughed at the irony that when she and Derek were dating, especially near the end, she spent practically every night it the bar. And even though Derek had made Mark out to be a bad man who sleeps around and ruins lives, he was the one keeping her sober while Derek, who always seemed to be the one to never mess up, the McPerfect guy, was the one who sent her running to her serene word she found in a bottle of tequila.

She glanced around to find Mark at the bar have a light conversation with Joe. Walking over, she smiled at Joe and sat down next to Mark.

"Hey." She said to both Mark and Joe at the same time.

"Hey." Mark answered.

"What's your drink tonight, Mer?" Joe asked.

"Uh, I'm thinking just a beer to start."

Joe nodded and walked away after leaving a beer in front of her.

"Moving away from the hard liquor. I must say I'm disappointed."

"Why is that?" She giggled taking a swing of the beer.

"Less chance of me ever getting into your pants."

She giggled and rolled her eyes. Even though, she knew he was kidding, she couldn't help but feel a flutter in her heart.

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She won't say she was drunk. No, she definitely not drunk. But she was buzzed enough to be on the border line. He had just a little less alcohol in his bloodstream then him.

Stumbling back to the bar, she giggled furiously as she flopped back into the seat beside him. He reached out steadying her in her seat as he let out a couple of laughs.

"You're so much fun, Mark." She laughed. "People shouldn't call you a manwhore. Cause you're not. You're a good guy who hasn't had sex in forever."

He laughed. "Is that so? Watching my bed, Grey?"

"I am not! I just know we made a promise and you wouldn't break a promise with me, because you wouldn't be a good guy then… But you are a good guy." She let out the breath she had been holding in and smiled at him.

He gave her a short smile back, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't look away from her green eyes. Leaning forward slowly, their lips met in a soft and sweet kiss.

"Closing time." Joe announced as he came upstairs from the basement with a new vodka bottle, but they didn't hear as the kiss turned passionate. When he saw them, he stopped dead in his tracks before slowly back tracking down the steps.

Pulling back they looked at each other. Meredith crashed her lips against his intertwining her fingers in his hair. Standing up, Mark pulled back putt money on the bar and she led him out.

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They stumbled out of the cab and Mark handed the fair to the driver not really caring how much he had given him. Their lips crashed together again as they stumbled back towards the house. She stumbled with her keys and got the door open. Once again their lips met as she fumbled with his belt. Then something clicked in his mind that he didn't prepare for. He grabbed her hands and pulled away from the kiss.

"What's wrong?" She asked breathless.

"Mer, you're drunk." He sighed sober enough to realize what was happening.

She looked at him confused. "No, I'm not. And even if I were…"

"Mer, I'm not doing this why your drunk no matter how bad I want to."

"Come on, Mark. I'm fine. I'm a big girl let me make my decisions."

"You mean more to me than this. I lo…" He stopped and stepped back a little stumbling over his words. "I care about you too much to let you do this while you're drunk."

She, who had not picked up on the almost confession, pouted. "Mark, I'm horny and I'm saying yes."

He took her hands in his. "And if while you're sober, you feel the same way. We can do this, but I'm not going to take advantage over you while you're drunk." He kissed her cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She nodded as he walked out. Shutting the door behind him, he let out a long groan. "So stupid." He said to himself smacking his forehead as he called a cab. The cab place said it would be there in five minutes. He turned and looked at the house. His mind raced with thoughts until one settled above all the others. _"I love her." _He thought.


	28. Remember?

She rubbed her temples as she walked into the hospital.

"Hey Mer!" Izzie chirped happily as she came up beside her.

She groaned putting her hand up to keep her from talking anymore.

"Oh, a hangover. No fun." Izzie shook her head.

"You don't need to tell me that." She groaned as they walked into the hospital. The florescent lights made her head throb even more. They walked in silence to the locker room without running into anyone.

"Hey guys." George said as he walked over.

"Sh…" Meredith stopped him putting up her finger.

"She's hung over." Izzie explained.

"Ah… Want me to get you some meds, Mer?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine." She sighed before starting to change.

"So you're hung over?" Christina asked. Meredith nodded. "Did you sleep with Sloan?"

"No." She said quickly as she grabbed her coat and headed out.

Heading down the hall, she tried to ignore the thoughts of Mark popping in her head. She walked to the nurses' station where she found her interns. They didn't notice her right away and continued talking among themselves.

"Last time I checked this wasn't a social gathering." She snapped. They jumped and looked at her. "I'm not in a good mood today which means if you plan to make my day hard, I'll make you're day a living hell. Now, rounds everybody!" She turned and almost collided with someone. Stepping back, she looked up to see the person was Mark. She felt her cheeks instantly blush. "Good Morning, Dr. Sloan."

"Good Morning, Dr. Grey." He smirked at her. She didn't look at him in the eyes as she stepping out of his way and started to walk away. Unlike what she expected, he turned and walked along side of her.

"Is there something I can help you with?" She asked.

"Well, I believe this is for you." He handed her a coffee.

"Thank you."

They walked awkwardly down the hall with her interns watching intently in tow.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

She nodded not trusting herself to really say anything. Stopping in front of a room, she looked at Mark. "Rounds." She smiled lightly.

"I'll see you later?"

She shrugged before walking into the room. "Good morning, Miss. Smith." Her professional voice returned.

He smiled to himself as he watched her talk to a patient. Shaking his head, he turned and walked away. "That wasn't awkward at all." He mumbled sarcastically to himself.

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It was lunchtime and she had managed to avoid Mark for the most part. She wasn't sure what they were supposed to do.

"_Talk about it? No that would be awkward. Forget it didn't happen? Yeah. Their friendship was too important. What if I can't? Damn it!" _She thought to herself as she sat at their normal table which happened to be empty at the time. Christina was in surgery. Izzie and George were busy in the pit. And Alex was probably busy trying to get in on a surgery.

She was lost in her thoughts and too withdrawn to notice Mark come and sit across from her. When he said something, she jumped and looked up at his smirking face.

"What?" She sighed.

He chucked. "I asked if your hangover was gone."

She nodded. "How did you know I had a hangover?"

"One, I was with you when you were drinking. Two, you kept getting a pained look on your face every time there was a loud noise. Three, I heard O'Malley and Stevens talking."

She nodded not saying anything as she played with her food.

"_Did he even remember? How much did he drink? Can he even remember last night?"_ She asked herself in her mind.

Mark just stared at her. She seemed lost in her thought. _"Does she remember what happened last night? I can't just ask her. Our friendship is too important. She probably would never see me as anything more. I could never tell her."_

"What are you thinking about?" He asked.

"Nothing." She sighed not looking up from her food.

"Mer…" He started.

"Yeah?"

He opened his mouth to say something, but let it close. "Never mind." He sighed.

She looked at him for a second before returning her eyes to her salad.

"_Does he remember?" _She thought to herself.

"_She has to remember."_ He thought.

"_He needs to remember!" _


	29. Emily

Her pager went off interrupting her peaceful thoughts not long after she got back from lunch with Mark. Looking down at it, she let out a long sigh, gathered her things, and hurried off.

By the time, she got to the lobby it didn't look to be an emergency. Rolling her eyes, she looked at her pager banging the side of it against her palm.

"Stupid thing." She mumbled as she turned. "Um, did you page me?"

"Ah, Laura, why was Grey paged?" A nurse called looking back down at her crossword puzzle. Meredith looked at another nurse, Laura, for the answer.

"Some woman was looking for you. Didn't leave a name, but walked towards the waiting room." She explained. Meredith thanked her before heading off to the waiting room.

As the door shut behind her, she looked around. Families sat around hoping for news, waiting for whoever was in the hospital to be okay. Seeing nobody she readily recognized or seemed to recognize her, she headed towards the outdoor area. It was a cold day, since it was the middle of December. The air caused her to shiver as she pushed the door open. Checking around the corner, she noticed a woman standing with her back turned to the door half leaning on a pole. She had sandy blonde hair and was wearing nice clothes; a long black jacket and black slacks from what she could tell. As she walked closer the more awestruck she became to who the woman in front of her was.

She used her hand to block the sun so she could see the woman's face. She was wearing big, expensive sunglasses while smoking a cigarette. Her hair fell to the sides of her face curling in as if to frame her face. She had a beauty mole right above her lip. Other than that her skin was perfect without any blemishes at all.

"What are you doing here, Emily?"

"Is that the hello I get, Meredith?" She asked in a low tone.

They stood in silence as Emily puffed her cigarette.

"For Christ sake." She sighed in an aggravated tone as she grabbed the cigarette from her hand and threw it on the ground smashing it into the gravel with her foot. "This is a hospital. People don't need to be influenced by you standing her smoking."

"God, Mer." She rolled her eyes taking out a silver case. Opening it, she withdrew another cigarette. "You haven't changed." Meredith rolled her eyes. "And do you really think I'm going to be influencing anybody who walks through that door with my decisions? If so, it's their own damn fault." She stated dryly as she held the unlit cigarette between her pointer and middle fingers, and fixed her glasses as if to accentuate that fact that she was smoking.

Rolling her eyes, Meredith crossed her arms across her chest. "What do you want?"

"What? I can't check up on you without a hidden motive?" Meredith gave her a disbelieving look, but neither said anything. "You've changed."

"You cannot just waltz in and out of my life when you please and expect to find the same person when you get back."

Emily let out a bitter laugh as she puffed out some smoke. "Please. I made you what you are."

"I made myself what I am." She said in a low cold voice.

They stared at each other with icy glares for a few moments before Meredith stepped out of the smoke.

"A big time doctor, so I've heard." Emily commented as she dropped the cigarette and put it out with her foot. "All the people just rave about you."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "What are you trying to pull?"

"You could have been a model too you know."

"Yeah and how's that working out for you?" She asked coldly.

Deciding not to answer the question, Emily leaned back against the wall. "How's the view of the world with your fingers up some guys ass?"

"What do you want, Emily?" Her voice was stern.

"Why do you always want to know what I want?"

"You came to me. I didn't come looking for you."

"We all know you didn't look for me, Mer. Maybe if you had, we could be like old times."

"I stopped counting on you a long time ago, and I'm not about to start. I don't need that disappointment, Sis." She said harshly through her clenched teeth. Turning she walked back towards the hospital. "Go ahead and disappear for another ten years. I don't need you."


	30. Pictures Of The Past

She stormed down the hall. Her emotions were somewhere between hurt and furious.

"Dr. Grey?" Lexi said as she walked by.

Meredith looked at her with fire in her eyes. "Yes, Dr. Grey."

"I was wondering if I could scrub in on Dr. Shepherd's…"

"No. You will stay with your attending. I always have to tell you to stay with your attending. How many times do I have to repeat this dance with you!? Your attending in Dr. Sloan today, so ALL of today, you will be with Dr. Sloan!" She explained in a huff before storming away.

By the time she got to the Chief's office, fury had faded and replaced with pain and hurt. She knocked letting out a long sigh waiting for an answer.

"I'm in a meeting." He yelled back.

She took a deep breath and opened the door. "Sir, this will only take a second."

The Chief looked up at Meredith then back to the board member sitting across from him. Meredith's actions didn't seem to stutter as waited for the Chief to answer even though she was disobeying him. Tears lined her eyes.

"What do you need, Dr. Grey?" He sighed.

"I can't stay here. I can't be here right now."

"What are you talking about?" He stood up and walked over to her.

"Emily is back." She said quietly before she let the tears overflow her eyes.

"What? Em… Emily is here?"

She nodded. "I need to leave. I can't focus."

"No, no. I understand. Take all the time you need."

"Thank you." She sniffled wiped her eyes.

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She fell back onto the bench after changing into street clothes and rubbed her forehead. Opening her wallet, she withdrew an old picture. Its fragile edges were ripped and bent. She unfolded it and stared at the two little girls who looked back at her. The younger one stood beside a red wagon with a teddy bear tucked under her arm and her thumb in her mouth. Her hair was up in pigtails with little ribbons tied around them. She looked to be about two or three. The older one who looked to be five or six stood by the tree not far from the other girl. Her hair down in a mass of dark blonde curls wearing a pink skirt and white top. Neither smiled just stood looking at the camera.

The door to the locker room opened. She quickly folded the picture up and returned it to her wallet. Rubbing her temple, she stood up and stared down into her locker. Mark came up next to her smiling.

"Hey." He said.

"Hi." She mumbled returning her eyes back to her things.

"Are you getting out of here?"

"Yeah."

"What's wrong Mer?"

She shook her head and sighed. "Nothing. I got to go find my interns."

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"Alex?" She said leaning onto the nurses' station.

"You look like crap." He commented raising an eyebrow.

"Thanks. Can you watch my interns?"

"We don't need a babysitter, Dr. Grey." Jonathon interrupted.

She turned and glared at her interns before looking back at Alex. "Can you?"

"Where are you going?" He asked sorting through some charts.

"Alex, please." The desperation in her voice was evident.

He looked up from his chart. "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Just… Can you take them?"

He nodded giving her a suspicious look.

"Thank you." She turned back to her interns. "If I hear any of you did anything, and I will hear about it, I will hurt each and every one of you. Grey, if I hear you even try to move services, there will be consequences." Lexi rolled her eyes, but nodded as Meredith turned back to Alex. "Thank you again. See you later." With that she walked away.

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She kicked the door shut with her foot. The house was quiet and in the same manner as when Izzie, Alex, and herself left that morning. The house she grew up in. She didn't think about it anymore perhaps it was because of the pain the memories brought with it. Her eyes traveled up the stairs.

"_Daddy?" Her voice was soft and tired. She held the rail with a firm grasp as she took each step carefully. She warily walked over to her father and put her hands up. She tried to hug him, but he carefully took her hands off of him and put them by her side. "Daddy? What's wrong?"_

"_Meri, what are you doing out of bed?"_

"_There was a boom, boom, boom." _

"_I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to bed before Emily wakes up."_

"_Where are you going?" She asked noticing the suitcase._

"_I'm going away for awhile. You're too young to understand."_

"_No I'm a big girl. I'm five."_

_He smiled and gave her a hug. Walking to the door, he stopped to say something, but decided against it. "Be a good girl." He mumbled as he opened the door, grabbed the suitcase, and left. _

Tears rolled off her cheeks as she walked up the steps to her bedroom. Walking into her closet, she reached up and pulled a box off the shelf. She carried it back to her bed and sat down tucking her feet under her.

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He knocked again, but still no answer. Taking a few steps, he looked around the house at her car. She had to be here. He knew she wouldn't mind if he let himself in. Opening the door, he stepped into the considerably warmer house.

"Meredith?" He called. "Mer?" But nobody answered. He walked up the stairs and called her name again. With once again no answer, he walked down to her room and knocked. "Meredith? Are you in there?"

He opened the door after waiting a few seconds. She was standing by the bed staring blankly at a picture in her hand. Her face was swollen under her eyes. Her nose and eyes were red. So it was obvious she had been crying.

"Mer?" He called softly. She didn't look up until he called her again. "Mer? Are you okay?"

She didn't answer as he came closer until he was right beside her. Without a word, the photo dropped to the floor and she collapsed into his arms. He was caught off guard, but reacted immediately and lifted her into his arms. Using one arm to balance her and the other to move a few pictures, he sat down on the bed with her in his lap. For a second, his eyes just scanned the different pictures.

"What's wrong?" He asked pushing her hair out of her face.


	31. The Truth About The Past

She looked up with him as the tears rolled off her soft cheeks.

"What's wrong?" He said again rubbing her cheek with his thumb.

"Emily is back." She cried.

"What? Who's Emily?"

She stayed silent as she struggled to stop. Rubbing her eyes, she succeed stop long enough to regain the ability to talk.

Sniffling, she rolled onto the bed, but he kept his arm around her. She shifted through a few pictures before finding one and handing it to him. He stared at the picture before giving him a confused look.

"That's me." She said pointing the young girl in the picture. "And that's Emily."

"She's your…"

"My sister." She took a deep breath and let it out. "When my parents actually loved each other, they tried to get pregnant. My mom was just a resident and hadn't hit it big, so she was open to it. My dad really wanted a baby, but they couldn't have a baby. So they adopted Emily. Everything was great until my mom started to get the hint of fame. And to my mother's dismay she got pregnant again with me. My father was overjoyed…" She took a deep breath and let it go slowly. "But my mother wasn't so happy. It was too late and they had me. My mother converted all of the little attention to me. My father converted all attention to me. So by the time Emily was five and I was two, she was pretty much on her own again just like she was when she was in the adoption home. When I was five and she was eight, my father picked up and left after she told him about her affair. When the other man didn't leave his wife, she picked up and moved us to Boston. I was young and my mother was absent, so I looked up to my sister. Unknown by me, she became my main caregiver by the time she was ten and I was seven. She was always there for me. By the time she was fifteen and I was twelve, I had gotten used to being on my own, but she was already sick of me. On her sixteenth birthday, she left to go be a model and never looked back. I was alone and I blamed myself then eventually I blamed her then I blamed myself again. Because I was born, my mother had an affair, my father ignored Emily and eventually abandoned us with a neglectful mother, and in the end I chased my sister away." She wiped her tear-filled eyes.

"Mer, none of that was your fault."

She smiled weakly, but shook her head. "When I was fifteen, Emily called me told me I should be a model. But when she came to meet me, she was two hours late and strung out on drugs. I told her to get cleaned up and we would talk. But she never called. She never tried to contact me. And today…" She sniffled. "She showed up. Out of the blue."

He stayed quiet for a second. "Mer, you can't blame yourself for everything that happened."

"I've accepted what happen, but it doesn't mean I'm proud of it. Emily thinks she can waltz into my life and criticize what I do for a living." The anger started to show through again.

"Mer, calm down."

She looked over at him. "Thank you for being here, Mark."

"There's no other place I would rather be."

She smiled slightly as he ran the back of his hand on her cheek. They stared at each other unable to take their eyes away. And before they knew what they were doing their lips met in a full blown kiss.


	32. It's A Date

He pulled back from his kiss and shook his head

He pulled back from his kiss and shook his head. "Mer, you're hurt. I can't do that to you. I don't want to take advantage of you." He said looking away from her shirtless form.

She pulled herself up to the sitting position. "You're not taking advantage of me. If I want to do this, I can do this."

"Meredith…"

She cut him off by kissing him. "I want this more than anything." She reached back and unclasped her bra.

He watched as it slipped off her shoulders and made its way down her arms. "Are you sure?"

She nodded with a smirk playing her lips. He couldn't help but smile as he pulled her head down to meet her lips.

--

She had fallen asleep afterwards. He stared down at her watching her peaceful face pulling her slightly closer to him. Letting out a sigh, he wondered if he would ever be able to confess to her his feelings, but it seemed so impossible. Worry of hurting her clouded his thoughts. Pushing a few strands of hair out of her face, he kissed her cheek lightly.

"I love you, Mer." He whispered not knowing if that would be the only time he would ever be able to tell her… in her sleep.

--

When she woke up, Mark was gone and had left a note saying that he was paged on the pillow beside her. Falling back against the pillow he had been laying on, she took a deep breath of his scent. Letting out a long sigh, she looked up at the ceiling. All the feelings she had ever had for him was bubbling in her stomach and swimming around in her mind.

--

_The next day… _

She woke up the same time as she always did to the sound of her alarm. She headed to work trying to keep her mind off of Emily. Quite annoyed with herself and the thoughts that would abandon her head, she headed to work to meet her interns who would probably only annoy her even more.

Walking into the hospital, she wasn't exactly sure what she and Mark were. They hadn't talked about it. He was Mark, and she was Meredith. She loved him and knew it… but he didn't know it nor did she know if he loved her.

"Hey." Christina said coming up beside her.

"Hey." She sighed trying to keep eye contact limited.

"What's with you?"

"What? Nothing. Why would anything be wrong?"

"Because you're being very defensive and won't look me in the eyes." She said as the doors to the elevator shut making them alone in the small box. "Oh my god… You slept with McSteamy."

Meredith's head whirled around. "How did you know that?" She asked pulling the stop button.

"Because I'm me… So…"

"So what?" She asked hitting the button in again.

"So what are you two now?"

"I don't know, Chris. I'm just… confused right now."

"Oh please like you haven't already fallen for him."

"I have not." She said defensively.

The doors opened.

"I'm your person. I know you. You have."

She looked at her before pulling her into an empty room. Letting out a sigh, she looked at her person in the eyes and slowly nodded. "I love him, Chris."

"I knew it." She said doing a dance. "I'm always right."

"Not being supportive here."

"Whatever. Either tell him or stop complaining."

"You're not good at being supportive."

"I know… I'm not that kind of person. I'm the kind of person who would help you drag a dead body across the floor." She explained as they continued down the hall.

"Just shut up." They walked into the locker room in silence.

--

After tell her interns what to do, she went off to find some coffee unsure if she wanted to deal with Mark quite yet. But as she rounded the corner, she realized it was too late. Not paying attention, as she turned the corner, she ran into something hard pushing her off balance. A pair of strong hands reached out and stabilized her on her feet. Looking up, she realized it was Mark.

"Hey." She gave him a small smile.

"Hey… Where are you headed?" He asked trying to make the space between them less awkward.

"Coffee."

"I'll save you the trip." He said handing her a cup.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." There was a long awkward pause.

"Look, Mer…" He said at the same time Meredith started saying. "Mark…"

"You first." She quickly said not wanting to talk.

"We should probably talk about this…"

She slowly nodded. "Yeah I guess, but not here."

"Alright. Where?"

"We can go to dinner after work."

He nodded. "It's a date." Quickly after saying it, he cursed himself.

She smiled. "Yeah." With that she turned and started to walk off calling back. "Thanks for the coffee."


	33. Disappointing Conversation

She and her friends were sitting at lunch

She and her friends were sitting at lunch. They were talking about some of their surgeries among other things. Her eyes caught a familiar face as she walked onto the out door patio. She pulled her big sunglasses off her head and down onto her face. She wore a black pencil skirt and a white blouse. Meredith could feel her eyes turn slightly cold as her sister started in her direction. She stopped right behind Christina who was sitting directly in front of her.

"How did you end up so different from me? Working in this… disease infected hellhole."

"It's a hospital." Meredith pointed out harshly.

"You could have been partying with the night life in New York with me."

Meredith's friends watched in surprise and curiosity to who this person was.

"That's going so well for you."

"It is working out really well. I'm living my life. You've got Mom's life." She let out a harsh laugh. "You can keep that. I'd give anything to rid my hands of her and her life."

"You have no right to talk about her like that." Meredith growled standing up.

"She always did like you best."

"Please, she didn't want me."

"See then she's exactly like I said. A cold, heartless…"

"You don't get to talk about her. You left. You abandoned us!"

"She abandoned us long before I left. I raised you."

"I raised myself."

"Mom never gave a damn. Why the hell would you stand up for her?"

"Where were you? Where were you when Mom got sick? Why is this all my responsibility if you are 'living the life' and I'm 'stuck in a hellhole?' Where were you when I needed you?"

"I was making a name for myself." Emily shot back. "I offered for you to come with me."

"I'm sorry but at fifteen throwing my life away for what you had didn't seem all that glamorous. You were drunk and high. How long did it take for you to get addicted after you left home? Or were you already addicted when you told me that 'life at home isn't exciting enough' for you? Could you just not handle Mom's shadow?"

"I couldn't handle yours." She pushed her sunglasses on her head. "How do you think it felt for your little sister to show you up in everything? How do you think it felt to be an outsider in your own home?"

"You don't think I didn't know that our lives were hard? It wasn't like Mom was jumping through hoops to give us anything easier. But I stuck around. Through all of it."

"Kudos to you. What do you have to show for it now?"

"I have a life. What do you have?" Meredith growled.

"A life? A life? You call working all day and all night so you hardly know what your own damn home looks like let alone have a personal life."

"Cocaine. Meth. And whatever the hell you pump into your veins. Because that is not a life."

She sighed. "I don't to fight with you anymore, Meredith."

"Then, why are you here?" She sighed. He phone started ringing in her purse. Pulling it out she stuck up a finger.

"Leo, Darling." She said with a lot of enthusiasm. "No, I have no time to chat. I'm with my sister." She giggled. "She's pretty, but, no, not a model. She's a doctor." She laughed. "I know, so dirty. We'll talk later. Love you. Kiss. Kiss." She hung up and looked at her sister.

"Maybe you should call Leo back and chat. Because you're done talking with me."

With that, she turned and walked away from another disappointing conversation. Sighing heavily Emily turned and walked in the other direction.

"What was that?" Alex asked in shock.

"I… don't know." Christina admitted. "But I will find out."


	34. Unexpected News

"I had a run in with my sister." She sighed when she found him at the nurses' station busying himself with work.

"Oh… Do you want to talk about it?"

"No… She just… trash talked my life. Sometimes it hurts, you know. She left and never regretted leaving me."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I'm looking forward to getting out of here and going on our date."

"But are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I don't need her."

"Okay." He smiled at her. "I'll see you around?"

--

She hadn't seen her sister in hours so she figured she left. She had managed her friends for most of the day. But when she walked into the doctors' lounge to get some coffee, Christina and Alex were there discussing a patient. Sighing, she walked over to the coffee machine and began pouring herself some coffee.

"You know you want to ask me." She said without looking at them.

"Who was she?" Alex asked.

"My sister." She figured 'what's the use of lying?'

"You have another sister?" Christina asked confused to why she didn't know of her especially since it was obvious she caused so much drama.

Meredith nodded rubbing her face. "My parents adopted her before they had me since they were still in love at that point, wanted kids, and thought they couldn't have any." Her voice was had no emotions.

"And she's not in your life?" Alex tried to confirm.

"Yep. She left when she was sixteen and didn't contact me again until I was…fifteen. We met up and she tried to set me up as a model like she is, but she was strung out on drugs. So I told her to call me if she ever got clean. She never did and never talked to me again until now." She didn't feel like coming up with a lie or avoiding topic so she told them straight out. With that she walked out sipping her coffee.

--

She heard muffled crying sounds as she walked into the bathroom. She ignored it at first thinking it was some employee crying over their love life or a patient over a lost loved one. But then she saw shoes she recognized. It took her a second before she could place them, but she eventually realized they were her sister's.

"Emily?" She called out.

"Go away." She sniffled.

Sighing, she sat down on one of the sinks knowing that this would be a long fight to get her to talk. Regardless of how much anger she had for her older sister, she was still her big sister. So if she was upset, she wanted to know why and if she could fix it.

"What's wrong?"

"Why would you care?" She sobbed.

"Because regardless of how bitchy you are or that you're a drug addict, you're still my sister."

"Wow that was heartfelt." She said sarcastically.

"I'm trying to be a good sister here."

"Yeah right. You just feel sorry for me because I'm crying. You don't care."

"You're right, because I'm just wasting my time with you when I could be helping people who want it." She said half sarcastically. It was partially true that she didn't want to help anyone who didn't want to be help. But it as also true that if Emily needed help, she would try to give it to her.

"Just go, Meredith. You don't give a damn."

"Like you give a damn about yourself? You ran away from home at sixteen. You got addicted to cocaine, methamphetamines, and god knows what else. You smoke. You do god knows what else to yourself." She spat harshly. "Why should I throw myself in the front of a moving train if you aren't going to at least be willing to move off the tracks?"

"I can't help it. There's so much pressure to be beautiful in the modeling business."

"You didn't even give yourself a chance to do something other than model. You were just so damn eager to do something that Mom would hate. What about when you were a kid and you wanted to dance when you grew up? Not only that, you wanted to be a dancer that kept all her clothes on. But you didn't want to wait for an opportunity like that. You did this to yourself."

She moved around and opened the door. She appeared. Her appearance was messy. Her hair wasn't perfect, and her eyes were red. Her clothes were slightly wrinkled, ad her nose was red and runny. "You're right. But I can't change who I am."

"Yes you can. There are rehab places and…"

"I have HIV, Meredith."


	35. Conversations

She sat on the bathroom floor with her sister

She sat on the bathroom floor with her sister. She didn't care how dirty the floors were. She didn't want to no what the sticky substance was that she her sneaker recently slipped into. She didn't trouble herself with the fact that her interns probably needed to be checked on and reinstructed on what to do. She didn't flinch when her cell phone started vibrating in her pocket. And she didn't speak when Emily shifted herself crawled over to sit beside her. Her older sister's tears slowly started to subside as she clutched to Meredith's arm and lied her head on her shoulder. Neither had spoken since Emily admitted that she had contracted the disease. Meredith had just slid to the floor, pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapped her arms around her legs, and set her chin on her knees. Emily didn't push for her to speak. And Meredith didn't push for answers to the common questions that came to mind, but she didn't have the strength to ask.

After a half of an hour of sitting on the bathroom floor with no words spoken and no drastic movements made, Meredith finally decided to speak. "When?"

It took a long time for Emily to work up the strength to talk. "I found out last year."

Not a word was spoken for a long time. "How?" Meredith finally asked.

Emily shut her eyes and took a deep breath. "I think a needle I got off one of the other models, but I'm not sure."

Meredith squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to hear anymore. Emily didn't want to say anymore. So for the next twenty minutes they sat in silence. Emily still hugged Meredith's arm, and her head still rested on her shoulder. Meredith's headed rested against her sisters. They just sat there, not speaking or looking at each other.

Finally, Meredith abruptly stood. Emily looked up at her little sister. Meredith extended her hand. Emily took it and got to her feet.

"I don't want to be here anymore." Meredith said quietly. Emily nodded. "There's something I have to do. Will you wait around for me?" Emily nodded again and watched as her sister walked out.

--

Meredith found him in a scrub room scrubbing out of his last surgery of the night. She walked in and let the door shut behind her before she spoke. He smiled at her and kissed her cheek.

"Ready for our date?"

"Something came up. We're going to have to reschedule."

He stared at her and could tell something was wrong. "Want to talk about it?'

"Not yet." She sighed.

He dried his hands and turned to look at her. "The offer's always on the table."

She forced a smile and nodded. "Thank you." She got on the balls of her feet and kissed his cheek. "I'll see you later." With that she walked out.

--

Emily was waiting in the lobby when Meredith found her. Emily stood up as her sister approached. Meredith couldn't help but stare at her sister. For the first time in the past times she saw her sister, she looked human. The model type make up was washed away. Her eyes were slightly puffy and red. And her clothes were slightly wrinkled.

Without a word being said, Meredith led her out of the hospital and to her car. Emily got in the passenger seat as Meredith got in the drivers. Emily didn't ask where they were going, and Meredith didn't offer up any type of hint.

The sun was setting, and the clouds were brilliant shades of pinks, oranges, and reds by the time Meredith pulled into a parking space in front of the water.

"Why'd you bring me here?" Emily asked without moving from her seat. She stared out the windshield at the water that reflected the colors of the sky.

"Because this is our spot." Meredith responded as she got out. Emily followed in suite. Shutting the door behind her, she took a deep breath of the salty air that reminded them both of their childhood before they moved from Seattle. The sound of small waves hitting the rocks below filled the air as the sisters stripped off their shoes and stepped into the sand. There was about eight feet of sand that gave way to large rocks that dipped down into the bay. Meredith sat down first and buried her feet in the slightly warm sand as Emily walked closer to the rocks. Meredith watched and let out a quiet sigh. She could remember when their father brought them up there every weekend so they could play on the rocks. Even though she was only four when her father started taking them, she could still remember them jumping from rock to rock and folding their pant legs up to their knees so they could walk in the freezing water. After about ten minutes, Emily walked back up the beach and sat down beside her sister wrapping her hands around her knees. For another ten minutes, neither said anything. They listened to the soothing sounds of the ocean beating against the rocks.

"What did the doctor say?" Meredith finally asked in a tone just above a whisper.

Emily took a deep breath. "I'm not responding to the antiretroviral therapy, and they think that it won't be long until it becomes AIDS. They say they think I had it for longer than I knew about maybe even a few years. I'm not sure how long I have."

She couldn't say words more crushing than those. A few tears fell from Meredith's eyes, but she tried to stay strong for her sister. After that, they didn't say anything. They just sat there in silence as the reds in the sky stared to fade to purple before Meredith helped her sister up and they headed back to the car.

--

After dropping Emily off at her hotel, Meredith drove towards the hospital and stopped in front of a large apartment complex/ hotel. She pulled into the empty space of the two spaces with his name on it. She took the elevator from the lobby up to the eight floor. She hurried down the hall choking back the tears until she found his apartment. She knocked hastily then unlocked the door with the key he had given her. It was ten and since he worked an early shift, she knew he'd probably be resting in bed if not asleep. Shutting and locking the door behind her, she walked further into the apartment. The door was slightly ajar and the TV was on, but Mark seemed to be asleep completely unaware of her presence. She pushed the door open and crept in. It was slightly selfish, but she needed to be in his arms. After dropping her bag, stripping off her jacket, and kicking off her shoes, she crawled into bed and lied her head on his chest. He stirred as she wrapped her arm around his stomach.

"Meredith?" He said groggily.

"Can I stay the night?" She said in a shaky voice.

"Yeah, of coarse." He opened his eyes and noticed the tears rolling down her cheek. "What's wrong, Mer?"

"My sister is dying." She sobbed.


	36. Goodbye

The next day, Meredith didn't go to work. She went to her sister's hotel room and knocked on the door. After a short wait, the door opened. Emily stood on the other side wearing a pair of jeans and a loose-fitted dark purple shirt with a long black jacket over top as well as a pair of black heel boots.

"Hey." Emily said quietly.

"Hey." Her eyes dropped to the ground as a small sigh escaped her lips.

Emily backed into her room leaving the door open for her sister to enter. Meredith followed her in and shut the door behind her. Sitting on the large king-sized bed was a suitcase partially filled with neatly folded clothes.

"Going somewhere?" She asked half jokingly.

"Yeah, I got a few loose ends I want to tie up. A calendar to finish, a couple photo shoots here and there."

Her face fell. She wasn't really expecting her to pick up and leave. "When will you be back in town?"

Sighing, Emily dropped down to the bed. "I don't know if I am, Mer."

"What? But…"

"Meredith, I can't just stay here and wait for the end. I need to get out there and… live."

"What about me? I thought we were going to spend some time together."

"Mer, you have to understand…"

"No, I get it. You're going to run away, like you always do." She nearly yelled.

"It's not like that." She snapped. "I don't want to sit around Seattle and do nothing wasting away and waiting for life to end. I'm dying Meredith, not dead, so I'm not going to pretend to be."

"You can stay here with me. We can do everything we wanted to like… steal mom's car and drive to Atlantic City with our boyfriends."

Emily laughed loudly fondly remembering that weekend they had planned to do that, but never got the chance to because their mom came home early. "That was a long time ago, Mer."

"We'll do something. I don't want you to go." She felt like she was young again begging her not to run away. "If you go, it'll be exactly like always."

"Don't worry, I'll come back and visit." She gave her a reassuring smile. Tears filled her eyes. When Emily noticed, she pulled her into a long hug. "I promise."

"When do you leave?" She whispered after a long silence.

"Today at four."

"Want to go get some lunch?"

"Yeah, I'd like that, Sis."

Wiping her eyes, she smiled. "I'll meet you downstairs."

"I'll be right there."

--

Lunch had been full of reminiscing and laughter as if in a few hours, Emily wouldn't be leaving. They sat across from each other laughing over memories of their mother or their childish pranks. They sat there for two hours after they finished eating. Finally, they stood up and went back to the car. A weighing silence hung between them after they got in the car. Meredith pulled in the parking lot of the parking lot and waited for her to get out. Neither of them moved though. They sat in silence for a few more moments.

"I'm going to miss you." Emily said quietly.

"I'll miss you too." Meredith admitted. "But you'll be back?"

"Yeah. After I finish this calendar, I'll come visit."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"I'll hold you to that."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you."

Meredith opened the door first and stood behind the car. Emily walked over as well and engulfed her in a hung. "I love you, Em."

"I love you too, Kid."


	37. Three Years Of Memories

Three years passed. Emily had kept to her word for awhile. She came back for a week to see her sister and called when she could. But as time went on, the more infrequent the calls became. Part of Meredith wanted to believe that she was too busy fighting for her life to call instead of the fact she was just too high or busy as a model to call. But she knew it was probably the latter. Things had changed, as they always did. She was happier than ever with her life. But at the same time any time something happen, something was missing because Emily wasn't there.

A week after Emily left town, Meredith and Mark admitted to each other their true feelings. From then on, their relationship had been blissful.

Her shift had ended. It had been a long shift too filled with never ending patients that had never ending complaints. And she was tired. Walking though the lobby, she smiled when she saw him sitting there busying himself on his cell phone. Glancing up, he smiled at her and stood up as she approached him.

"Ready to go?" He asked and stood up from his seat quickly placing a kiss on her lips.

"Definitely." She had been at work for nearly forty-eight hours straight. Since on-call rooms hardly gave her the rest she needed and cafeteria food left her craving real food, she was ready for her own bed and her own kitchen.

"Alex said that he dropped Sadie and Emma off with Izzie before he came back here." He told her as he wrapped his arm around her waist and led her towards the hospital entrance. Nodding, she yawned and rested her head on his shoulder absently walking along side him.

They got back to their home fifteen minutes later. The lights were on in the front room, but the house was nearly still when they walked up the porch to the house. Izzie was stilling on the couch with a tube of Ben and Jerry's resting on her pregnant belly. She glanced over but didn't bother standing when the couple walked in.

"Hey, Izz. Thanks for coming over." Meredith said as she hung up her coat.

"No problem. The girls are in bed." She said returning her eyes to the TV. She took the last bite of ice cream and struggled to her feet. "I'm going to pop soon. I can feel it."

"Don't be in too much of a hurry. Labor is no walk in the park." Meredith told her.

Mark nodded in agreement. "My hand… hurt for days."

"Shut up. You got the easy part."

"Well, I better go." Izzie giggled. "Mike will be home soon."

"You want Mark to drive you home?"

"Nah, I'm fine." She shrugged.

"Ok, see you later." Izzie waddled out of the house with her hand still protectively resting on her oversized stomach. "I'm going to go check on the girls."

He nodded and sat down on the couch as Meredith started up the stairs. Quietly, she walked down the hall and opened the door to Izzie's old room. The beige walls were now painted pink and toys spilled out across the floor. Two large cribs sat about five feet apart. She crept across the room and peeked into each crib. A little girl slept in each. Their faces relaxed and dirty blonde hair pressed against their cheeks. Smiling, she reached down and adjusted the blanket in each crib.

_It had been a year since they confessed their love for one another. Their relationship was blissful even when they hit unexpected road blocks. Nothing too major… until now. Now that she was faced with such a MAJOR decision, she didn't have any idea what to do. She looked at it again and staring back at her was that fateful blue cross. She shuddered at the thought. Pregnant. That was something she didn't expect to be. A knock shook her from the daze. _

"_Mer, Babe, you okay?"_

"_Yeah." Her voice came out ten times higher than normal. _

"_You sure? Come on. Open the door."_

"_I'll be right out." She said looking frantically around the bathroom trying to find some place to stash the evidence. Quickly, she stuffed it into her toiletry bag and threw it in the cabinet under the sink. Sighing, she leaned over the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. The panic was still evident in her eyes even as she splashed cool water on her face. _

"_Mer?" He pounded on the door again as she dabbed her face with a towel._

"_Coming." She called back and looked around quickly. Deciding that everything was in order, she opened the door and gave him a small smile. "Morning."_

_He looked down at her curiously. "Good morning." _

_She lifted up onto her toes and kissed his cheek before walking into the bedroom. Cautiously he followed still confused by her mood. "Are you okay?" He asked carefully._

"_Why wouldn't I be?"_

"_You seem… off."_

"_Nope. I'm perfectly fine. I have to hurry, now. I don't want to be late for the meeting."_

"_Yeah." He watched as she changed in a quicker manner than usual. "You sure you're okay?"_

"_Yeah, of course. I'll see you later." She said as she kissed his cheek again and hurried out. He stood there for a few more minutes until he heard the front door shut before shrugging it off._

She told him about the baby the next evening, and he was scared but thrilled as ever.

Sighing, she leaned over and planted a kiss on both her twin daughters' cheeks before walking out leaving the door slightly cracked. Their bedroom light was on when she walked in, and the crack under the bathroom door glowed. She could hear the shower running as she sat down on the bed. Her eyes settled on the wedding picture by the nightstand.

"_Are you sure you can't come?" She cried into the phone. She hoped to be able to keep it together, but it didn't seem like much of an option. _

"_I'm sorry, Mer. I really, really wish I could." Emily said quietly. _

"_No, I… I understand." She said taking slow deep breaths._

"_Mark is… a great guy, Mer. He won't hurt you."_

"_I know."_

"_I love you, Mer."_

"_I love you too."_

"_Tell Mark I said… 'Welcome to the family.'" _

"_Okay." She giggled. _

"_I better let you go. Break a leg, Mer."_

"_I'll talk to you later." With a light sigh, she hung up. _

"_Mer, we have to go. Are you okay?" Izzie asked._

_Turning, she gave her friend and bridesmaid a small smile. "Yeah. I'm fine. Let's go."_

_She tried not to think about Emily again while the hairdresser slaved over her hair. After what seemed like forever, she stood up and looked in the mirror. It was curled loosely and sprayed until every stand was in the absolute perfect place. Izzie did her makeup and helped her into her white dress. The whole day seemed to rush by her and somehow she was standing in the parlor. Izzie scrambled around her fixing her veil and fluffing her skirt. Christina was giving her last big pep talk was all but necessary. She stood in silence touching the embroidery of her dress with delicate fingers. Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly and beamed a smile into the mirror. Christina stopped her sentence short then looked at Izzie. _

"_She's ready." She said with a proud smirk. _

"_Why wouldn't I be? I marrying Mark!" She beamed another smile at her friends as she twisted around to face the door. Izzie rushed to untangle the train from around her ankles before she tripped and broke her neck on her wedding day. "Is it time yet?" She ran her hand over her baby bump that was hardly noticeable under her dress but pretty noticeable when she wore usual clothes._

"_Just about. Let's get lined up." Izzie told her._

_They out of the room and walked down the short corridor to the big double doors. _

"_Need a last minute boast of encouragement?" Christina asked just to be sure. _

"_I'm perfectly fine, Chris." She surprised herself with the lack of nerves in her stomach. Sure, there were those little butterflies that fluttered within her whenever she thought about it. She was becoming a Sloan. She was getting exactly what she wanted. And for that she was that happiest woman alive. _

_The music started filling the air outside. The butterflies strengthened in her stomach. She almost blamed that babies going crazy in her stomach. Rubbing her hand over it, she smiled. _

"_Ready?" Izzie asked._

"_Yes." She said confidently. Two ushers pulled the double doors open. The courtyard was beautiful decorated with beautiful white and light pink flowers in full blossom. Small candles flickered in the breeze lighting the dimly light sunset sky. The white chairs were lined up in perfect rows on either side of the aisle. At the end of the aisle, a gazebo decorated with flowers and glowing lights. He glowed under the light with a nervous smile playing his lips. Izzie sent a quick smile back at her before walking down the aisle. Christina followed. She tightened her grip around her bouquet and took a deep breath. She was walking herself down the aisle since she had nobody to give her away. While it was slightly saddening, she didn't let it ruin her big day. Her eyes locked with Mark's as she stepped out into the cool night air. His face light up as his smile grew. She could see the love in his eyes. A smile crept on her lips trying to restrain herself from running down the aisle to him. The aisle seemed like it would never end. Finally, she reached him and it was like the rest of the world didn't exist. She was going to be Meredith Sloan at the end of the day, and she couldn't be happier. _


End file.
